Demilitarization

9. Trying My Best Not To Forget

            Strong arms grab him around the waist and throw him backwards.  He releases his grip to catch himself with his metal hand as he hits the floor, landing in a crouch on his feet.  Steve stands between him and the woman, whose terrified look is fading.  Steve is frowning at him, and he is immediately remorseful for disappointing him.  He pushes the feeling away.  It was a programmed response and he doesn’t know if it is real.  He glares at them, crouched and waiting.

            “We aren’t going to hurt you,” Steve tells him, a pained look on his face.

            “As if we could,” the woman grumbled, rubbing her neck.

            He stands up slowly, relaxing his arms at his sides.  He looks from Steve to the woman questioningly.  Natasha Romanoff, he remembers.  She was his target.  He heard her earlier, outside of Steve’s room.

            “Are we okay?” Steve asks slowly, staring at him intently.

            “Yeah,” he replies quietly.

            Steve moves away from the woman – Natasha – and continues to watch him warily.  “I just want to help you.”

            He nods and looks away.

            “Rogers is a good guy, huh?  Makes you want to clean up your act, just being nearby,” Natasha says.  It takes a moment for him to realize she’s speaking in Russian.  He turns his attention to her, aware that Steve is alternating his gaze between them.

            “Something like that,” he says noncommittally, also in Russian.

            “There are some things he isn’t going to understand.  He always does what’s right, not what he’s told.  But I know what it’s like, to do what you have to.  So, when you’re ready, I’ll be around,” she says sincerely.

            His brow furrows, but he nods.  He doesn’t understand, and the look on her face makes him uncomfortable.  He’s seen the look on Steve’s face, too, but he knows Steve.

            “Well,” Steve says slowly, looking for some explanation.  “I guess I should learn Russian.”

            Natasha smiles.  “Don’t worry about it, Rogers.  Just catching up.  Hill sent me.  She needs you to come in,” she adds, smile vanishing.

            Steve looks at him, conflicted.  “How long will it take?” he asks Natasha, without looking away from him.

            “She didn’t give me a schedule.  But they need you, Cap.”

            Steve sighs.  “Will you be okay here by yourself?” he asks.

            He shrugs.  “Probably.”

            “Not if he’s going to attack anyone who walks down the hallway,” Natasha mutters.

            Steve looks at her, frowning.  “Does Maria need you for something?”

            “I don’t think so.”

            “Could you stay and keep Buck – James – company?” Steve asks quietly.  She hesitates, glancing at him.  “If that’s okay with you, James,” he adds.

            He looked at her appraisingly.  The man – Pierce – had uncharacteristically not given him much information on either target for his last mission.  He knew very little about her, besides her being Russian and apparently being some kind of threat to HYDRA.  She was able to hold her own for quite some time against him, which is rare.  Her earlier comment hints at something more, but he cannot guess what that means.  She is afraid of him.  She tries to hide it, but he can tell.  It is not something with which he is unfamiliar.  If he chooses to leave, she will not be able to stop him.  And he doesn’t really want to meet any of the other residents.