The Dawning And The Dreaming

Jade

One planter there, one LED light here... Water needs to go here, but how do we get it? Jade's head thumped lightly against the desk. Normally it adored this kind of stuff, but today wasn't normal. Jade had been out of sorts in all of its classes. But the day was almost done.

It was sure if it was dreading or excited for the end of the school day. It wasn't sure if it had the nerve.

Even though Jade knew logically that everything would be fine, telling your parents you're trans has never been an easy task.

The teacher rests her hand lightly on Jade's shoulder. "Are you alright, Landon?" she asks softly. "You seem a bit distracted."

Jade shrugs, doesn't make eye contact. "Yeah, I'm fine, it's just..." It twists a strand of cyan hair around its fingers, yanking just hard enough to force its head to move, and debates telling her. Its on decent terms with the instructor, and it would be nice to be called by its name... "I'm just distracted today. Sorry."

The teacher smiles, nods. "I understand. Do you want to go for a walk outside? I'm sure the gardening class would love some help, if you were interested in that kind of a distraction."

A strange relief bubbles in Jade's chest. "Thanks, Miss Holloway." It stands and quietly moves to clean up. A few classmates smile or wave as Jade makes its way out of the classroom, but most don't look up. It's not an odd sight, to see students wandering in and out.

Sunlight streams into the halls from vibrant stained glass windows, and colourful murals cover almost every part of the walls. It's almost overwhelming.

It takes a seat under a tree near the school. Long grass brushes against its skin, emerald leaves dapple the sky, and the sounds of laughter and song fill the air with joy, but Jade can't bring itself to become part of it. Bark scrapes its back through its shirt as it leans backwards, sun seeping through its pant leg.

It takes a moment.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Everything is going to be okay.

The rest of the day passes slow as Jade relaxes back into the rhythm of learning.

Going inside would be overwhelming, so it signs into class from its phone instead, finishing its plans for an underground farm in half the time as everyone else, more than making up for its break. Jade smiles to itself.

"I'm so proud of you all!" Halloway says. "You'll all go far, if you want to. There's a competition coming up for desert farm designs, and the winning plan will actually be built over in the California-Nevada area. Should you be interested in that, I've put the information up on our class page."

Jade stands and slips its phone into its pocket, ignoring the announcements. Normally it'd be excited, but there were bigger things on its mind today.

The door of the apartment closed loudly, and Jade's mother called from the balcony, "Careful with the glass door, sweetheart!" It felt so normal, so safe, and warm, and familiar. Jade wanted to go out, to join its parents on the balcony, maybe to text its friends, grab some stuff for the community pantry down the street- but instead, it had to say the words. "Mom, Dad, can we take a second to talk about something important?"

The response is instantaneous. "Of course, Landon. We'll be there in a moment." The two come in, hands and faces covered in dirt. Both are smiling, and nod at Jade as they head to the kitchen to wash their hands. Setting its backpack up on the hook, Jade takes a moment, staring at the light blue wall.

Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out, breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

The word has lost all meaning by the time Jade's heart has stilled long enough for it to sit down, tapping its foot so fast it starts to ache.

Its parents come back, taking places at the circular wooden table. "What did you want to tell us?" Jade's dad asks, voice gentle and resonant. They both look so open, so kind, so understanding. Somehow, it only makes it harder.

"I'm..." Its throat feels tight, Its tongue is leaden, Its words broken and trapped. It shakes its head, lost.

"It's alright," its father comforts. "Would you like some tea, or something to hold?" offers its mother.

Jade nods, relieved. "Thanks, Mom," it says, voice hoarse. She nods, smiles kindly, and stands.

Its hands are pale, softer than many classmates. The teenager stares at them, almost uncomprehending.

In ASL, the sign for "transgender'' resembles a flower. A hand curling in and around, spiraling into almost a budlike shape. It's similar to the sign for "beautiful", but over the heart instead of the face.

Jade traces the sign across its chest, feeling the stretch, an almost soothing gesture. It's suddenly glad that every student is required to at least know some basic vocabulary, though it doubts that its parents would know the sign.

It glances up, brushing bright-dyed hair from its eyes as it makes eye-contact with its father. He says nothing, but offers a hand across the table. After a moment, Jade takes it.

There's silence until Mom comes back, slides a warm mug to each of them.

"I'm trans," Jade says, the words spilling out before it can stop them. Tears well up, relieved or scared, even it doesn't know what. "I'm trans. My name is Jade. I'm non-binary, and I use it/its pronouns. I'm... I'm trans."

"Jade, huh? That's a beautiful name."

It opens its eyes, slow, hesitant. "Thank you."

"What for?"

"I'm not sure."

"You're welcome."

Hours later, Jade pours over its desk, writing notes and sketching plans. The name on the top reads, in proud bold font, Jade Morgan.