Blackout ✓

13 | made the princess laugh

BEING FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS WITH Jamie shed a layer of stress from my life.

That had been the opposite of what I predicted, no matter how impressive the sex was. I thought it would be a win-lose situation, a bittersweet arrangement, a compromise between satisfying my body and dealing with the logistical fallout. But that was not so.

He stuck to the contract. After the all-clear came back from our tests, he visited practically every night. I suspected Krista knew very well something was going on between us, but I knew Jake definitely did. He was not blind to his twin brother leaving their room and returning hours later, if at all, in the night.

But thankfully, none of our friends prodded us for answers.

Vivian: No go tonight. Endo acting up.

I tossed my phone onto the bedside table and fell back into bed with a groan. My medication helped a boatload in managing my symptoms, but there were days when the pain barrelled in unfettered. Flowing through some simple asanas had helped clear my mind, but it hadn't relieved the agonising stabs in my abdomen and lower back. It hurt so much I couldn't move, couldn't think, couldn't study, or read, or anything. I curled up in bed early, willing sleep to come.

An unexpected knock came at the door.

"It's unlocked!" I called through clenched teeth.

Contorted in the foetal position, facing the wall, I didn't see the visitor. But I heard his footsteps. He was so familiar to me now, I could place him by the weight and rhythm of his walking. I could trace every part of him in the dark. I could find him in a crowd following the feeling of his stare.

"Hey—" His sentence cut short. The air bristled.

I knew, having seen me in the state I was, Jamie was warring with himself about what to do. He'd never known me like this—incapable and weak. I hated feeling like that.

I glanced over my shoulder. He wore his tatty XXL Halston University t-shirt, boxers and slides. He looked ready for bed. But just the motion of raising my head caused a bolt of pain to lance through my torso. I curled tighter around myself. 

"Fuck. I thought I told you not to come over."

"I brought you a hot water bottle," he said quietly, raising the object in his left hand explanatorily. "Thought it might help."

Relief flickered in my head. Heat did help, but I couldn't stand, let alone walk out into the common room and fix a pouch for myself. Nor could I ask my best friends; Krista worked at Topaz on Fridays and Riley was still at the open mic event hosted by Poetry Club.

Unable to express more than a simple approval, I wheezed, "Thanks."

Jamie lifted my blanket and slid the hot water bottle across to me, letting it drop right in front of my stomach. I clutched it slowly, the edge of the knife inside me dulling as the heat sank in. Even through its cover, the hot water bottle was nearly scalding, but I appreciated the numbing, blanketing heat over the targeted jabs of pain.

"Should I leave now?" Jamie's voice was tremulous, uncertain. "Is there anything else I can do?"

I shook my head first. Don't leave. Then I nodded. My voice was small when I asked, "Get in? And tickle my back?"

Facing the wall, eyes squeezed shut, I didn't know if Jamie would humour me. The room was silent after my request. But then I heard Jamie flick his slides off, felt the dip in the mattress, smelt the comforting scent of clementines and body soap.

"Of course," he whispered, his mouth just behind my ear. His hands slipped under my shirt, the skin coarse but the touch soft. His fingers rippled up and down my spine, drawing my head out of a bloody, red room and into a lighter one. "Like this?"