My Savior

Chapter 6

In the shower I think of what happened. I though we had moved past this. I sigh. Steph had hurt me and even though I forgave him, I would never go down that path with him again and allow him to hurt me.

My heart clenched remembering the state had been in after our break up. I refused to visit that place again and that meant no more him in that way. Even though we weren't together I couldn't bring myself to completely cut him off. He was after all my first love and I wasn't sure that love would go anywhere anytime.

I never understood how someone could hurt someone knowing that they were all they had and were giving their all. I remember wishing I was enough and wondering where I went wrong. I remember being weak and going back repeatedly until Joe had forced me to give the toxicity up. Another way Joe had saved me.

"Lock it away Nova." I whisper to myself and proceed to clean myself. It was no point to dwell on matters as this they only opened my thoughts and hurt me. "Push it away." I say in my head.

I get ready for work and head down to Elixer. I don't run into Mateo which I'm glad about. I couldn't handle a confrontation right now. I really just want to work to get my mind off of Stephan.

I look around for Joe but I don't see him. Heading to the bar I ask Shay, "Hey have you seen Joey?" "He went out with Mateo. Said they had some business to take care of." Replied Shay. "Business? Did he specify what he meant?" I asked. "Nothing for you to worry your pretty little head about." Shay replied.

I didn't bother to reply. Going around back I decide to join Shay at the bar today seeing as though there were plenty of waitresses on the floor. Absentmindedly I serve costumers their food and drinks until 6 when the club opens.

I decide to take a break while switches were made to the diner to change into the club. 30 minutes later I go out to see Stephan sitting at the bar. He waves me over but I go back to get my apron, pin, and pad. I go the other way around the bar to serve costumers at booths or tables. I know avoiding Stephan is cowardly but I just don't have the mental capacity or energy to deal with his macho man bullshit.

After a few minutes of taking orders I feel a presence behind me. I turn around to see Stephan. "Stephan I'm working It's really busy we can talk another time." He grabs my arm and pulls me closer. I smell the alcohol on his breath. "No we're going to do this now! We could do it here or in your apartment but I'm tired of you always running!" He raises his voice.

Looking around I see people beginning to stare. I jerk my arm away and grab his hand leading him to the apartment. I knew there would be no calming a drunk Stephan. I shut the door quietly behind us. "Steph," I say softly trying to calm him "I thought you were done drinking it's been a year you were doing so well." I shake my head disappointed. It started with drinking and then to the harder stuff I felt stupid having faith in him once again to be proved wrong. He reminded me so much of my mother that it hurt.

"You don't care about me you don't get to judge me!" Stephan basically shouts in his drunken stupor. "Why won't you just forgive me Nov I tried to be better for you." I look away thinking for a moment. Thinking about the things he did and said. The trauma he bought back and added to. How I believed in him how much I loved him for it to all mean nothing in the end.

"You need help Steph," I sigh "and I can't be the one to give it to you. You continuously hurt me Steph. It's the same as with my mom but she ended up dead and if you continue on this path then you'll end up the same way. I want you to want to be better for you not for anyone else. I love you as a person but the relationship phase ended a long time ago we aren't meant for each other and you have to let it go. I want you to sober up in a guest room and we can talk more in the morning." I saying ending the discussion and going to my room locking the door. He knocks for a while calling my name before I hear his footsteps recede into one of the guest rooms. I don't allow myself to fall asleep until I hear his snores. I wish things were different but they're not I think to myself before drifting off.