Ava Walker, F.B.I.

1: Graduation

I checked the message sent through my government-issued email account for the hundredth time that afternoon, hoping it would reveal some sort of unnoticed clarification for what "business casual" meant in a setting that would not only house my future colleagues but also my future supervisors. At the age of twenty-six and after having worked in a law firm for the first four years after graduation, I still wasn't quite sure if sleeveless tops were deemed okay or if the unfortunate choice would follow me forever. 

This would be the first time since orientation that I would be seen in broad daylight wearing anything else besides khakis and a blue-collared shirt. Not that it mattered what people there thought of my looks, but was it wrong to want to show off a teensy tiny bit after making it through six months of brutal studying, physical training, and mental exertion? I never doubted myself for a second, let me just make that clear now, but it's a completely surreal experience to wake up one day and find yourself behind a 9mm handgun and running through Hogan's Alley as if you've somehow teleported into a Jason Bourne movie. This wasn't a problem for me in the slightest since I got hooked on the idea after watching The Silence of the Lambs at a halloween party in middle school. It was totally worth the storm of trouble I found myself in after my mom demanded to know what was prompting my solid week of nightmares. 

Nevertheless, I could neutralize an armed suspect, clear a wall twice my height, but I couldn't decide what to put on for the last mixer as a trainee. Maybe the last six months of making fashion choices that exclusively included jeans, khakis, and my choice of a black or blue collared shirt with the same FBI insignia had forced me to forget how to dress like a normal person. I wasn't about to wear the pantsuit I showed up on the first day wearing—that would be asking for a series of unfortunate nicknames that all emphasized my "newness" to the Bureau. Could I even call it that? The Bureau. Using the same beloved shortened term as my predecessors somehow reminded me of saying "Macbeth" in a theater. 

And then I remembered: my best friend stuck a bag into my suitcase when I had visited her in Maryland the fifteenth weekend of training. I had completely forgotten about it until I noticed the corner of the brown paper bag poking out of my mostly-unpacked suitcase in the corner of my dorm. We had gone shopping but I didn't want to buy anything to save room in my bag that was already filled to the brim on day one. Among the many things I loved about her, June was freakishly clairvoyant and had saved my ass multiple times. 

The slightly disturbed red fabric that lay folded up in the bag told me that today wouldn't be the exception to her habit, and I was right. Form-fitting and halter-style, it would look fantastic underneath a blazer (I had plenty of those) and a pair of conventional black heels I had purchased to match the pantsuit. Except this time, I didn't resemble Hillary Clinton. With my hair down and the natural waviness showing through, I had successfully dressed myself for my last night in trainee status, and more importantly, our first night away from the observance of instructors and teachers. It might not seem like much, but as we're reminded on the first day: treat everyday like an interview. Tonight, however, those of us who remained would be rewarded with a free night of bonding that didn't revolve around an upcoming exam or quizzing on case classification codes. 

The fear of what we would actually talk about now that training material was off the table briefly crossed my mind, but in no other place in the country are there so many Type A personalties gathered together at one time. If nothing else, someone would be bound to bring up the gym and everything would fall into place after that. The wine would flow with conversation, and I knew it would be a night I'd never forget.

Slipping the key card into my black Kate Spade handbag, the one indulgent item I allowed myself to bring, I could hear the door click and lock behind me.