(DISCONTINUED) helluva boss x reader

pilot

[The scene opens with a city shot that slowly zooms in on the Immediate Murder Professionals building. Cars honking can be heard in the background. The scene transitions to a closed door, with a sign that says "Meeting in progress". Inside, Blitzo is walking by a whiteboard on the wall as he lectures his employees.]

Blitzo: Alright, now I know business has been a bit slow lately, yes. It's no one's fault, okay? I'm not naming any names here. [looks at Moxxie] Moxxie.

[Moxxie gives him a "What the hell?" look.]

Blitzo: does anyone have any bright ideas on how we can get business drumming up again?

Millie: What about a car wash?

Blitzo: This is hell, Millie. No one cares about cars being cleaned here, okay? Ooh, what about a billboard?

Moxxie: We can't afford a billboard, sir.

Blitzo: Helpful, Moxxie. Really glad you're in the room right now. [pushes Moxxie away] Have you guys forgotten what service we provide?

[Blitzo turns on a TV that shows all the IMP's brutally decapitating, shocking, and obliteratingly murdering people from the overworld which they were paid to do so. Then it zooms out to everyone watching the TV, with Loona, Millie, you, and Blitzo eating popcorn.]

Blitzo: Ahh, those were the good times.

Moxxie: I don't need any reminding, sir, considering you blew most of our salaries on an obnoxious TV ad last week. One that you then additionally paid to have run for a full three hours on a channel nobody watches!

Blitzo: Uh, hey, excuse me. What's "obnoxious" about a super-fun jingle, all right? It's a fun distraction when an advertisement's spittin' bullshit!

(Y/n): they are pretty catchy

Millie: People love musicals, sir.

Blitzo: Exactly, Millie. And we're basically doin' a musical. Are you gonna crush my musical theatre dreams like my dad did?

Moxxie: Sir--

Blitzo: 'Cause right now, all I see is just my dad's asshole talking to me! Crushing my dreams of being who I truly am inside.

Millie: Are you trying to crush his dreams, Moxxie?

Moxxie: I-- What?

Millie: I thought I knew you.

Blitzo: I can't believe you, Moxxie, [holds up an employee of the month plaque with Moxxie's picture on it] after I made you employee of the month!

Moxxie: Okay, sir! I'm sorry, a commercial jingle is not comparable to musical theatre. Nobody actually likes the jingles!

Millie: I liked it.

Moxxie: Do not-- [points at Millie] Do not agree with him in front of me.

Blitzo: oh hey (y/n) I have a question for you.

(Y/n): yeah what is it?

Blitzo: wanna go out with me tonight?

(Y/n): I have plans with my boyfriend blitz.