pretend h.s

pretend.

A/N ^^ he's so hot
this is literally one chapter coz it is a short story

***

I'm woken to an aggressive pounding against my temples, the blinding winter sun filtering through my window, exacerbating the pain.

After a moment of trying to drown out the noise, I decide if I'm awake now, there's little chance I will get anymore sleep. I reach for my phone, 9:54 am, it reads along with a stream of texts and missed calls. Not ready to face the reality of my crumbling life, I start with something simple, breakfast. 

Pealing myself away from the bed, I quickly dress, shivering in the cold room. I walk out to the hallway, a loud bang rackets outside my front door.

A voice follows, "Avery!" Harry.

Conflicted and tempted to ignore him completely, I stand, stunned in the hallway.

My feet seem to decide for me and I'm moving. I take a deep breath before reaching for the door.

....

"Avery, please," Harry grasps my wrist, apparently, with more force than intended as he quickly jolts back and whispers, "just talk to me."

"I can't Harry, I can't keep-," I sigh, looking down in an attempt to hide the swelling tears pooling in my eyes, "we don't work..." I say quietly.

"What's that supposed to mean Avery? We were fine before last night, I don't understand?"

"Were we? Or were we just pretending to be fine because this, facing it," I point a finger at our current position, it escalated quickly, "is too hard." 

"You're right, Avery, it is hard. But that doesn't mean you just give up. I know that's a new concept for you but-,"

"What did you just say?"

Harry inhales a shaky breath, "You heard me. Don't pretend you don't know what I mean. Every time something gets hard you either quit or ignore it long enough for it to fade away on its own. You never commit."

Too much. This is all too much. The tears finally fall, I turn around and start down the hallway.

I turn back to him, only several feet away. "No, you know what? You want to talk about not facing up to things. How about the fact that you hide behind your stupid walls because you are too scared to face your own emotions? Don't even try to deny it. Just yesterday I saw it. When they asked about your mum. You block it out. You go numb because you can't face it."

"Don't you dare bring her up right now!" Harry's voice breaks with my heart, I've never seen him like this, so vulnerable, because of me.

His voice turns cold, "You hide just as much as I do. You put up some shitty pretense of this perfect, happy person, so you don't have to tell the truth. You're so stuck playing this character, I don't even know who you are anymore!"

I stare up at him, shellshocked. He's right. I don't know anything anymore. The only constant in my life is crumbling before my eyes. Who will I be when Harry fades away like everything else?

No. I won't lose him. We just need time.

"I think you need to leave... please" I whisper.

"Avery..." He stares at me.

I walk past him, his soft hand brushing against mine. Down the hall I open the door and stand to the side, a request, and a plea.

He moves to stand opposite me, wanting answers.

"I just need time..." I say at the floor.

"Okay." The simple reply confuses me.

Harry moves towards me and leaves a soft kiss on my hair. He pauses for a moment, so close to me, I feel his warm breath on my cheek, he walks away. Closing the door, I fall to the ground and cry.

***

After what feels like hours, curled up at the door, I take a shaky breath. I need Ellie.

Somberly, I walk back to my room, remembering I left my phone buried in the mountain of blankets. The calm before the storm.

Hands still shaky, I find Ell's name and hit call.

"Hey, what's up?!" Her enthusiasm startles me, right, not everyone is as miserable as me right now.

"Um, hey. Uh... it's Harry... we- we had a fight." I break down into tears once again, "I don't know what to do."

"Oh, Avery, I-... wait, did you break up?"

"I don't know. I don't think so." I tell her everything that happened.

"... and then I told him I needed time." I finish explaining. I feel as if voicing the chaos that ensued in the last 24 hours has lifted the weight of it off my chest, slightly.

Ellie sighs, "Avery I'm so sorry." She pauses, "Can I be honest with you?"

"Always." I brace myself for what she has to say.

"I've said this since you met Harry; you are complete opposites... I also know how much you two have been through together. His mum, you graduating, Harry on tour. You've stuck together through that, pretenses or no, you are your purist versions of yourselves with each other. I see it, every time you're together. It's up to you now to decide whether you are willing to drop the walls you've both built and fight for him."

It takes me several moments to find the words. "Thank you, Ell. I know what I've got to do. I'll talk later, yeah?"

"Yeah." She hangs up first. I take a breath and walk out the door, not giving myself the chance to rethink.

***

Immediately, I am faced with the brisk, sea winds. I start running.

By the time I reach the beach, the sky has darkened with storm clouds and lightning thrashes across the horizon. Breathless, I scan the beach.

I find him almost immediately, throwing rocks into the water. Gracelessly, I slip down onto the rocky beach and hurry to catch up to him.

"Harry!" I call out to him through the loud waves. He turns, startled.

His face changes as he realizes it's me, "Avery, I'm-, I'm so sorry. For everything," eyes full of sorrow, my heart aches.

"I know, I am too... I'm so sorry." It's silent for a moment, basking in the unspoken words between us, and regretting the words we did say.

"I-... what do we do?" He reminds me of a child.

"We try harder. And we promise; no more pretend."

Harry reaches out his hand and wipes the tears from my cheek.

"No more pretend." He promises and pulls me into his arms and we surrender.