It Makes The Pain Go Away [Kellic]

~Ch 1~

So this has been really difficult to write.... Plot lines etc. But finally I'm happy with this one I think and it will be all in Kellin's pov xD anyway it'd be appreciated if you would vote and comment letting me know what you think :3 btw trigger warnings throughout the whole story.

TRIGGER WARNINGS EVERYWHERE!

"Why? Why would you do this! How fucked up can you be to do this to yourself!" he gripped my wrist, shaking them violently.

I flinched, his words cutting deeper than these blades ever had. He threw my arms down and walked away, slamming the door behind him.

Those were the last words my father ever said to me. I hope he regretted it wherever he was. Some people say you should love your parents no matter what because they brought you into this world, but I think that's all the more reason to hate them.

Who in there right mind would think life is great? Or that life is such a beautiful thing? Life is bullshit. That's all it is or ever will be.

I sat down on the swing, those words playing through my head over and over. "How fucked up could you be!"

I shut my eyes, gripping the chains of the swing tightly.

Why can't I just forget? Why does life have to be so cruel? Why did I even care anymore?

Surely I wanted to die, but why haven't I put the idea into play? I don't even know the answer to that myself. Maybe I was scared. Maybe I wanted to live...... well I don't think that last one was entirely true.

I did want to die. My wrists proved that one to be true.

I stared off into the setting sun. It was beautiful, but things like this were all just a mask that the world would use to fool us. These "beautiful" things that we see are all just an illusion to cover up the ugly ones. They don't exist.

I shook my head, bearing the thoughts and hateful words to go away. I can't keep thinking like this..... not now.

It was probably about time to make my way home. I got up, wobbling a little from the sudden movement. I walked past the tall buildings, wishing that one day I could get to the top and become free.

"One day......," I whispered to myself. I clutched the locket that was hanging from my neck, "I will be free."

-

I walked into my house. Dark. I guess they're out without me, as usual. I went into the kitchen and found a small yellow note on the counter

"Out to dinner with Payton, food in the microwave if you're hungry."

My mom always preferred Payton over me. He was always her favorite child. I was just the depressed kid. The lost cause.

It was the little things like this that would push me over the edge into oblivion.

I ran into my room and slammed the door. I lied down on my bed and cried. I just cried hoping that would make it all go away..... of course it never did. I'm such a mess. Such a fuck up. A waste of space. I could hear their voices..... their hatred.

Fag. Ugly. Emo. Depressed. Lost cause. Thing. We don't want him in our group. Eww Kellin Quinn?

I've heard it all. I can't take this anymore. The constant rejection and exclusion. I'm beginning to believe that they're right... I am nothing. Just another piece that doesn't fit into the puzzle.

Nobody would notice if I died.

I grabbed the razor resting on my bedside table. I stared at my reflection, bloodshot eyes and tear stained cheeks. I hated myself more than anyone. I was my worst enemy.

I took the blade and pushed it deep into my wrist. I winced, but continued to drag it across my skin. I deserved this. I deserved the pain.

Blood poured from the cut. The crimson liquid ran down my arm, dripping onto the white carpet.

What am I doing?

I chucked the razor at the wall and gripped my wrist with shaky hands. Why did I always come back to this? I put my head in my hands, sobbing uncontrollably. I just want to die.

I only want to live.....

Yea tell me what you think :) would be appreciated if u voted/commented :3