The One Where She had a Mental Breakdown

Part One

In Latin, 2020 was an "annus horribilis" for many. I thought it was a year of new beginnings; well, it was. It was just unexpected. I had different goals and motivations for the year. I was finally seeking help and opening up to people, especially to my parents. However, 2020 was still a decent year for me. It ended up being the year of healing and slowly learning how to be happy with myself.

I am the type of person who is interested in many things. Hence, it was a struggle to choose which course I want to spend the next 4 years learning. A gap year would have been a good idea, but it was taboo in my family. My mum didn't have the chance to attend college, so you get the gist. She didn't expect me to get high grades or be on top per se; she just wanted me to get a degree. As for me, who still have no idea what to do with my life, I managed to enter a university, and I could've chosen Business, but I was greedy I choose Psychology instead. I wanted to do Criminal Pathology or Psychiatry, but jokes on me, Year 2 happened. I failed.

I needed to repeat year 2, and that just took a toll on me. My results were disgusting, and I wasn't able to concentrate on anything. I just felt very anxious 24/7 and felt like I was the dumbest person. I was barely sleeping for months and hurting myself as a punishment. I felt like a failure. I repeated year 2, but I did not even get through a semester. Exams were approaching, and I just wanted to drop out. I was having a mental breakdown to the point where I called my dad; I was on the verge of crying. They were very supportive when I said I wasn't handling university well. In our family, I was the one who was always mentally headstrong, and my parents seeing me breakdown was something serious.

I was lucky and privileged enough to be blessed with supportive parents. They supported me in dropping out and were there to remind me that life will get better. They paid for my therapy, but due to covid, I stopped. Why is mental health a luxury? I dropped out by the end of 2019 and was confident of getting my shit together. The first few months of 2020 were good; my university was kind enough to offer me a job that helped me be productive and gain experience. i was finally getting back to enjoying my hobbies, such as writing and reading. Covid-29 hit, and there were many ups and downs; I tried my best to break my bad habits. It's 2021 now, and I am still struggling, but I decided to focus on myself. Focusing on you and your betterment is the best thing you can do for yourself. At the end of the day, you only got you.