Broken

The Tree is Dead

"Well, the thing is, Matt..."

Uh oh, Matt thought. This is going absolutely fantastic. "It's fine if you don't want to," Matt quickly said, sensing her hesitation. "I just thought...you know..."

"That I would come running into your arms like every other girl you so much as look at?" May said bitterly. "You know, Matt, I'm not some sex toy that you can just use and throw away."

Matt scoffed. He was angry now. "How can you say that? There's two other guys other than me that you always hang out with; that guy at the cafe, and the bloke I saw leaving your building."

"The guy at the cafe is gay, and he has a boyfriend. That bloke happens to be from my childhood, and I would never, ever date him." Or anybody, May thought.

Matt was taken aback. He had no clue what to do. No girl had ever been that feisty to him. Did he storm out? Did he think of a nasty insult? His mind was in a turmoil, so he did the only thing he could think of.

Matt grabbed her around the waist, pulled her towards him, and kissed her on the lips.

At first, the kiss was slow and soft' no tongue and no biting. But May, her eyes wide with shock, gasped, and Matt took that opporotunity to explore her mouth with his tongue. He slowly slid his left hand up her shoulder and tangled it into her hair. May relaxed and slid her eyes closed, sighing into the kiss. Matt was experienced, and he guided her through. She deepened the kiss and they melted into each other. Suddenly, old memories came flooding back. Voices yelling. Hands grabbing. Intense pain.

All of a sudden, May opened her eyes, made a strangled sound in the back of her throat, and hastily shoved him away. causing him to fall back on the couch. They both gasped for air after such a deep and heated kiss, contemplating what had just happened. At last May broke the silence.

"What...was that?" May asked. "Why did you kiss me so randomly? That was so...so rude!"

"What a load of rubbish," Matt retorted. "You obviously liked it, seeing as you kissed me back."

May was stunned into silence by this accusation, and she couldn't deny that it was true. She had liked it. For just a moment, all of her fears that had built up over the last few years had vanished. But they had all come rushing back in an instant. She wasn't about to tell Matt that, though, so she just stood there, wringing her hands.

"I don't even know why I came here," Matt muttered. He stood, strode out of the door, and a few seconds later May heard the door slam closed.

She sank down onto the couch that Matt had previously occupied. Everything was going horribly. Blaise decided to pop back into her life agin. bringing with him all of the bad memories from her teen years. She honestly wasn;t ready to forgive him, and it would be a long time before she could.

Matt. Oh dear God, Matt. Every time she thought about him, conflicting emotions rose up inside of her; anger happiness, frustration. And now that he had asked her to date him, May also felt confsion. What were his real emotions? Did he honestly like her, or just her body?

The truth was, May wasn't ready to date yet. Even when they had kissed, May had had a flashback to eighth grade.

May winced as she shifted in her seat. The pain wasn't as bad as it was the day before, bit it was still there;a throbbing, deep pain that she couldn't get rid of.

It had been five weeks since the Incident, and May was a complete wreck. She had only gotten out of the hospital a week ago, but her home wasn't much better.

The first few weeks afterwards had been the worst of her entire life. She didn't eat, had horrible pain, and wouldn't talk to anybody. Not to mention the terrible nightmares she had at night about her attackers. Her nights were filled with images of football players who were three times her height and has muscles bigger than her head. She woke up screaming most days. The pills they made her take were making her lose weight, and the fact that she had to be tube-fed didn't help her size.

May was beginning to slowly crumble away. She was a tiny leaf upon a large gust of wind; no one was there to sheild her from it. Even her brother felt distant to her.

May stood from her spot on the couch and painfully shuffled to the bathroom, grimacing with each step. Where were the damn pain meds when she needed them? She finally made it to the bathroom and slid in, closing the door behind her. May opened the medicine cabinet and rifled through its contents.

In the process, one of her mother's glass perfume bottles fell out and shattered into a million glittering piences on the floor. Curious, May picked up the largest shard of glass and examined it. If she wanted to, she could end everything, right then and there.

But why should she have to? Was it getting so bad that she was going to take away her own life? Angry, May balled up her hand and attempted to crush the shard, but it cut her hand and blood poured out of the gash.

Tears welled up and spilled down her cheeks until her body was heaving with large, racking sobs.

When her mother suddenly burst in and rocked her back and forth in her arms, May let herself be touched for the first time in months.

When the flashback finally ended, May was in tears, sobbing into her hands. She had thought that everything would be better in London, but it was worse. Much worse.

***

It was raining the next day. The weather perfectly fit her mood: miserable. To make matters worse. she had forgotten her umbrella at home, and she was dripping wet, cold, and downhearted when she arrived at school.

People snickered and whispered about her as she walked through the halls to the bathroom to change into her dance clothes. She had enough sense to not walk around wet when she had dry clothes in her bag.

That didn't mean that she wasn't still cold after she changed. She sat shivering in her first class in black leggings and a black tank top. And when lunch came around, the rain was still pouring down, so May couldn't go back home for lunch. She had to settle with just waiting for the next class.

To make a long story short, May was tired and hungry by dance class, and she wasn't looking forward to a whole hour with Matt.

When she walked in the classroom, she saw Matt leaning against the wall with his arm around a tall blonde girl. She was wearing a low-cut black shirt that exposed her cleavage. She laughed at everything Matt said, but he looked out of it. He had dark circles around his eyes.

Without giving him a second glance, may sat against the opposite wall, trying not to be seen.

Finally, the professor walked in and signaled them to get with their partners.

"Today, we'll be doing trust-falls," she said when they were all standing with their partners. "We'll be doing some really complicated dances soon, and you need to be able to dance comfortably together."

May's entire body became cold and clammy at the prospect of touching Matt. He didn't look very happy about it, either. Matt nodded hello and didn't speak to her.

When it was time to commence the trust-falls, May nervously stepped in front of Matt. She hated being touched. That's why she had pushed him away when they had kissed.

May took a deep, shaking breath and closed her eyes. She let herself fall backwards slowly. For a second, she was just falling, falling, falling.

Then she felt strong hands around her waist and gasped, her eyelids flying open. Flashes of grabbing hands on a cold night ripped through her mind. She yelped and leaped away.

Matt looked at her quizzically. "What's wrong?" he asked lazily.

May was about to answer, but her eyesight began to get fuzzy around the edges.

"Matt," she managed to choke out, and then her world was plunged into darkness. She was falling again, straight down to the ground.

The last thing she remembered was a voice calling her name, and then she was gone completely.