Focus On Me

Chapter 10

In the pits of her belly, she felt empty, sad, hell even heartbroken. It was different from the usual feelings she had felt when she had left or when she found out her father had died. During those times Dylan was always there for her bringing her up. Now she wasn't here, and it was Nova's fault.

But that wasn't true, was it?

She was the one who hurt her, but they both were to blame. Nova gazed at the ceiling, Dylan had already left by the time she woke up, she couldn't remember how she ended up in her room, the last thing that she remembered was crying in the living room and now she was in her bedroom covers comfortably wrapped around her slim body.

Nova felt her hazel eyes glisten with tears that wouldn't come out, it felt like she was in a pitch of darkness. There wasn't the usually shower running or the loud wheezes of Dylan singing kpop. Nor was there the fresh smell of food that Dylan had either ordered or gotten out from the leftovers of the day before. (Even though most of the time Nova would fix the food while Dylan was in the shower.) Besides the slight little buzzes and muffled music in the background that she played when she woke up, it was just quiet.

Nova didn't feel like getting up and having to go to class, she knew there was no one to stop her, sure it would probably end up with her missing lessons, but that was on her, she was an adult now. Nova felt it in her stomach, the dull aches and thuds that were faint, that made her want to throw up. She didn't know what to do, it would be easy to apologize, to get up and go to Dylan's class, but something in her couldn't, just couldn't speak.

It hurt a lot, to be scared of your own self, your own words, but maybe she was just being over-dramatic. Dylan was always there for her, could always take care of her, and she didn't rush her to explain her emotions, she didn't care rather or not she didn't talk or that sometimes she grew quiet. Dylan understood her, understood that it was hard, understood that it was even harder to break away from the chain.

She knew her better than her own self and she also knew that it was part of the reason why Nova couldn't, just couldn't.

Dylan knew that no matter what words Nova spoke or said, deep down she loved her, and she loved her too. They were just two fucked up people who depended on each other.

Dylan was the only one, and would always be the only one.

Nova sighed sitting up slightly wincing at the ache in her stomach. It hurt, but she was used to it.

Nova ultimately decided to get up, it would be pointless to stay in bed and waste time no matter how much she wanted to. She would talk to Dylan later because just as much as Dylan understood her, she understood Dylan. Besides, Nova knew Dylan needed time to herself, just as much as Nova needed some time to herself sometimes.

So, she got ready, there was slowness in her movements, eyes blank, she didn't feel gray, she felt blank, a white sheet of paper with no sort of words or colors on it. And then there was pitch black, darkness, surrounding her. She was used to it.

Her art classes were already over and done with and her math class was beginning to start.

When she made it to her math class, something that she was forced to take. She barely paid attention, too focused on the feelings flooding inside her.

And after class would've been the same way, had she not have been grabbed by the wrist.

Nova looked up about to glare at whoever grabbed her but instead, she went silent, watching new contacts, this time just plain honey brown, staring right back at her.

Jade didn't speak but she had a soft look in her eyes that made Nova squirm. And she still didn't speak as she basically dragged Nova out of the building.

"Hey, what the hell?!" Nova tried to break herself out of Jade's hold, even grabbing her wrist with her free hand to help get it out.

But with one dangerous glance from Jade, and she stopped and just followed silently. Nova didn't feel like looking at the other, so she decided to just look at everything around her. From the scenery to the groups of people sitting and laughing and the void only grew.

She wasn't normal, she never was.

"Sit," Nova looked up surprised at the honey-brown eyes staring back at her, and then to bench near the outer banks of their college buildings. There a few more benches surrounding the round tables on the newly cut grass.

"Are you just going to stare off into space or are you going to sit down as I said?" Nova glared at the other grumbling curses at Jade under her breath before she finally sat down.

Jade sat right beside her, a little too close, hips squished together, almost like there were no other benches around her.

"I'm sorry for Aurora's behavior yesterday," Jade wasn't looking at her, but instead looking at the flowers moving along with the wind. Nova merely hummed playing with the hem of her shirt. She probably looked like shit.

"And I want you to know that I took care of it." Nova shivered a bit at the other's tone and couldn't help but feel a bit remorseful for the other at the thought of what, "took care of," meant.

"You didn't have to, the argument was bound to happen sooner or later," Jade's eyes moved away from the flowers to glance down at her. Her hands moved to grab the other hands before she stopped herself and placed them right back on her lap.

"I heard about it from Aurora and seeing from your sour mood it seems it didn't end up to well?" Despite the facts within her words, Jade was hesitant and careful in her words.

Nova hummed eyes looking anywhere but at the other.

"It was shit, a shitty argument for some shitty reasons."

"You know you don't mean it. Obviously, the matter was important to you two."

She felt irritated, not at Jade, but herself. Feelings were bubbling inside her that she didn't want to let out, was too scared to let out.

"You should go talk to her."

"I can't do that, she needs time, she needs-"

"Don't bullshit me, Nova, that's an excuse, and you and me both know that."

When Jade saw the tears beginning to form in the other's eyes, she wanted to reach out and comfort the other.

But she didn't.

"I just, I'm just afraid. What if things get even more problematic when I try to talk to her?"

Jade scoffed, "You know her better than anyone else beautiful. You should know that the only way this will get more problematic is if you leave it alone. Besides, she seems stubborn and dense. So between you being scared and Dylan being stubborn one of you needs to step up to make things right. I'm just hoping it's you."

Nova smiled a bit, hands reaching out to entwine their hands together. Nova decided not to talk about the way Jade jolted when their hands met or the way her smile brightened when Nova clutched her hand more tightly.

She was adorable.

"I'll try ok? Thank you, Jade"

"No problem Bello."

Nova planned to talk to the other when she got home, and for now, she just enjoyed her time with Jade.