Whiskey And Cigarrettes (A Cowboy Bebop Love Story)

Valentine

had been by his side for some time, without being by his side, continuing with my pretended indifference and my sarcasm coloring the ordinariness of our days. Spike had returned once again, with his common plaintive tone as he tries to light a cigarette with his old silver lighter. It seems that today, that faithful companion decides to play a joke on him by refusing to light the cigarette on his lips so I approach him pretending to just see him and offer him a light by making a quick movement with my lighter as if firing a bullet from my glock 30.
His somewhat cynical response doesn't surprise me at all. If anything he was uncomfortable with feeling helped in what he considered he didn't need help, at least not one he had asked for and as I know well, he would never ask for help, his pride would never have allowed him such a thing. However, I suppose he wouldn't be surprised at my outburst when I took out the cigarette he was smoking, leaving him with some surprise on his face, perhaps accompanied by a frown on his face.
I walk away laughing out loud with complete nonchalance.

Jet was absent minded as he tried to find old memories that were still sinking in his chest.
I had decided to use his space in his absence, although I gave no notice of this to anyone. I don't have to explain myself so much! Besides, Jet's room is bigger than mine....
As I enter his room I notice some pictures, I wonder who these people are, especially a young woman with dark hair who appears in more than one photo, my curiosity is perhaps due to the enormous hermeticism she carries with her.
I decide that it is too much of an inquiry. It's time to take a shower and enjoy the comfort of that room until his return, after all if he doesn't take advantage of it someone else should, right?

I step into his shower and enjoy the water hitting my back with its warmth, my hair caresses my cheeks and I silently think of him, of Spike and imagine over and over again that moment that has never existed except in the imaginary limits of my dreams. The humidity of my body is confused with the water running through me and while I explore hidden corners I let myself go, I bite my lips letting out a sigh full of desire, suddenly a moan escapes from my lips whispering his name under the shower.  My heart beats fast while a feeling of loneliness invades me. Why? Why do I keep thinking about him? Why have I been content throughout this time that he exists in my dreams, in my most unspeakable desires, mortifying my nights?

I look at myself in the mirror and I see an empty look wishing deep down, wishing to be her even for an instant, wishing to feel what she has felt, wishing to receive a little of that fervent devotion even just once.
I run my hand across the mirror, I observe myself, I brush my hair away from my face and I tell myself that I will not allow myself to continue playing foolishly at love. Especially not one as absurd as secret.  I take a towel that seems to cover very little of my graceful anatomy. I feel no shame in recognizing my obvious charms, charms that would have left more than one obsessed and obsessed, but that nevertheless seemed to have no effect on him.
I decide to get some fresh water, one of the few things that abound in that fridge where nothing seems to be consumable.

Lately there is no one on the ship at that hour. Spike usually goes out in the night, blending in with the darkness and Jet, he's been gone for a few days, trying to face that past that unwittingly had recently come to take him to certain places he'd wanted to forget. ....
I was alone again tonight, or at least that's what I thought?
Suddenly and to my total surprise Spike walks through the kitchen and I, stunned, drop the glass of water in my hands. What a scare! I exclaimed.
At least you could have said you'd be back, I was hoping to finally be alone in peace and unfortunately your presence doesn't provide that longed-for tranquility. Even less, when in the distance the nauseating stench of alcohol can be felt all over this kitchen...
Spike's gaze meets mine, but this time it's different.
Nice suit," he says to me in a deep voice as he smiles slightly.
I open my eyes in astonishment as I realize that all this time I've been wearing a small towel covering my body.
My heart beats like the drums of war, of a war unleashed between my emotions and the hidden thoughts that lay inside me.
Spike strides towards me.
I feel so small and vulnerable in front of him, I'm afraid of losing this battle with myself....
What do you think you're doing, I could kick your ass and leave you in pieces if you dare to tease me! -I said to him, while feigning a grimace of displeasure on my face.
*She keeps her pace moving towards me, smiling slightly.
I'm turned on by the kind of women who can kick my ass, although I wish I could prove that you can do such a thing...
I try to give him a fist bump.

I'm turned on by the kind of women who can get their asses handed to them, although I wish I could prove that you can do such a thing... I try to land a fist blow on him, but he manages to dodge it without even grazing one of his hairs. I appreciate your rebellious boldness in trying. -he says. I laugh nonchalantly as I light a cigarette.
Don't think I couldn't do it, I just don't feel like wasting my time humiliating you in a fight right now. I exhale the smoke of that cigarette from my lips with a triumphant air. He keeps his gaze fixed on me with a smile full of mystery. Suddenly his hands come up to me, only to notice that he had removed the cigar from my lips without a word. -This is for all those marlboros you took from me Faye.

He walks past me without another word, putting his hands in his pockets as he nonchalantly walks down the hallway to his bedroom. And suddenly, in an outburst overpowered by my latent emotions I barely grab his arm as he passes. He turns and looks at me without his face expressing anything to help me interpret his thoughts. I look at him in complete silence and as the cigarette that had previously been on his lips falls from my hands, an unexpected kiss leaves me in perplexity, however I give up my pride and overcome my own impulses. It's been a long time, but just enough time to confirm my suspicions," he whispered. My body did not believe what was happening, what had happened over and over again in a thousand different ways in my dreams was now happening outside of them. My kisses carried the scent of tobacco and hers tasted of that whiskey that hours before I had drunk trying to forget her... Again. I knew he wished with all his desire that I was someone else tonight but I decided not to think and give myself to feel. The cold of that room soon seemed to disappear and become a bonfire that burned our flesh. His kisses became more and more passionate and almost without realizing it we reached Jet's room, the place where none of us had ever gone except to knock on his door. I felt his hands touch me over the towel that covered me and then he took me in his arms and carried me to the place where we would melt into one. My heart was beating fast at the thought of what would happen. With his hands he tries to cover every corner of my body, with his kisses he runs over me skillfully and impatiently, I think I won't be able to stand it, the heat in my chest suffocates me, burns me... The moans come from my lips indicating him the exact point of my enjoyment where, like an eruption, I let myself be carried away, fading under his body. His vigor, his passion and his torment take me to places unexplored by me until then and in a long time, I feel alive again.

I open my eyes and I am moved by his dazzling attraction. I feel possessed to have him, to have him completely and I begin to kiss him, to bite him, to hold him tightly to my body making his ecstasy mine. I grasp his neck tightly as if I want to hold him in my hands, I press with all my might into his being, filling him as if there is no tomorrow. The mystery of his body is revealed along with his nakedness and in the midst of the frenzy I have him again and again. In every whisper, in every moan I wish that this instant becomes eternal, that there is no tomorrow ready to turn us back into two strangers. But I know, his kisses do not belong to me and neither does the warmth of his body. We were just two lonely bodies looking for comfort in the midst of pain. And while everything was happening in that room, the only witness of the passion that had been unleashed, that place where we had never been before and where we would never return, I contemplated it, knowing that I would have to leave. I wish I didn't have to.... Spike stands up and looks out the window, staring out at nothing, as the stars dimly illuminate him, letting me know he's still there. I light a cigarette and let the silence speak for both of us... We had said enough to each other a few moments ago and we had done it without saying a word. Suddenly, he turns his face and asks me: Are you living the real world? My body lies down relaxing every centimeter, my eyes close and I want to believe that it has only been an instant but it is impossible to know. I wake up suddenly with a choking sensation in my chest, was what happened another dream? Loneliness again accompanied me hand in hand with uncertainty. I get dressed and leave the room, checking that no one was on the ship. There was only Ein, me and the secret of that dream, which like so many others had taken my breath away, but after all it had only been another dream.