Like A Fallen Angel

Hatred Beyond Reason

Jean's POV

For how much I wanted to join the Military Police, this much trouble in basic training didn't seem worth it.

I knew I was better than the other cadets, but it bothered me that they wouldn't acknowledge it. They all flocked to that stupid Jaeger kid with his wild eyes and suicidal speeches.

What I hated most was his growing group of lackeys, hanging on each word and following each whim.

Don't get me wrong, I knew Mikasa was just stuck with the jerk - she'd come around. Armin irked me, but I figured he had few other friends, so it made sense why he admired Eren so much.

But the one who always got under my skin was Iyolani.

When I saw her that first day, lifting my head from the ground after the instructor had knocked me down, I thought I was hallucinating... she was unlike anyone I had ever seen before.

A heap of dark curls formed a halo around her sharp face, illuminated by the midday sun. Her face was like the fire-amber glow of dawn, her brilliance beckoning me to look at her until I could no longer. I suddenly struggled to catch my breath... and now I wonder if it was because I had just taken a blow, or if I was too preoccupied by her presence to recall how to do something as rudimentary as breathe.

Her eyes caught mine in their golden gaze - but looked away quickly as Shadis continued his harassment. I had scrambled to my feet, hoping to catch her eye again, but she had slipped back into the ranks.

After that, I hadn't seen her the whole day. Sitting in the dining hall with my new friends Marco, Connie, and Sasha - I craned my neck around to try to find the mystery girl once more. 

"Oi." Connie elbowed me in the ribs, jarring me back to reality, "Who are you looking for?" He wiggled his eyebrows at me as if we shared a secret between us.

"What! No, it's not like that... I'm just getting the layout of the mess hall!" I gestured around with a flourish, regaining my composure, "Gotta be prepared. That's what they say in the Military Police."

Sasha's mouth was stuffed, so she just rolled her eyes as Connie gave me a disgruntled "tsk", but Marco - ever the supportive one - went on about how great of an MP I'd make.

Halfway through dinner - that Eren kid got louder and louder, drawing in Connie and Marco with curiosity about his knowledge of the Titans. I couldn't see because of the group that had gathered around him, but as he made crazier and crazier statements about how he'd "kill every last one", I couldn't help but laugh.

As I bickered with the self-righteous boy, he stood up to challenge me in front of everyone. As he moved out of the way, I caught a glance of her, sitting right behind where Eren had been.

Her luminous eyes moved at the speed of light, processing the world around her at a fervent pace - almost as if she couldn't get enough of it all - using it to fill the voids in her memory. She considered me for a moment, drumming her fingers on the table in discontent with our standoff.

Her first words to me were spoken before I had even formed a thought in my head, "Leave Eren alone. You know nothing of the Titans." 

I looked between them and saw it at once. A wave of anger rose in me, beyond my control, and I knew from that day on I'd hate the Jaeger kid. I knew I had taken it too far with insulting her amnesiac condition... but when she had called me horse face - that's when I started to hate her too. She was just like the others, too rash and obviously ignorant of my abilities.

I would show her. I would show them all.

***

It started with short, bitter exchanges like that first night of training. Irritated glances and scoffs of scorn traded like common courtesies instead of "hello" and "goodbye."

She would always challenge me in training as if hoping to mock me with her frustratingly natural athletic abilities. I wouldn't ever admit it, but she even rivaled Mikasa's prowress, making me dislike her more and more.

It was even more frustrating to see her bonding with the corps - making me the outsider in many situations. Even my closest friends would praise her talent, kindness, and intelligence - qualities I would never consider her to reflect in the slightest - which only caused the loathing in my chest as I looked at her to swell higher and higher.

Torturing one another only became easier when we began combat training.

"Really picking on the weak today, huh?" I chided, walking by as she took Eren down countless times. "Think it'll make you look like a better fighter?"

She tensed at the sound of my voice, already annoyed. "That struck a nerve," I chuckled to myself, "She's got as much to prove as me."

She composed herself, and flashed me a signature glower of those fierce eyes, our routine now well established with her snippy responses up next, "Funny, then I suppose I should pick on you next." Scatter chuckles surrounded us, the other cadets jostling for a view of the anticipated fight. I couldn't say no now. 

"If you insist." I shrugged, nonchalant in my stance as we stepped in close, fists raised to begin. "I don't hit girls... but I'll make an exception for a bitch like you."

She grinned at that.

From the crowd, I heard Connie yelp, "I've got 10 on Jean! Look at that height difference!" followed by an outraged cry from Sasha, "Are you kidding?? Iyolani's gonna deck him!" More murmurs of stats and strengths circulated, distracting me from what was right in front of me.

I made a mental note to collect my prize money and bragging rights later - which was right when I realized the fight had already begun - and I found myself on my ass.

With a swift kick, she had swept my long legs out from under me with ease, as if she could tell I lost focus. Before I could even get up, she had pinned me down - her hips on mine - and my arms restrained. Stray curls tumbled from her bun, and I could barely process what had just happened.

Whistles and howls erupted from the spectators, my face suddenly very hot. A surge of embarrassment prompted my adrenaline as I flipped her onto her back with a slick move Marco had taught me - completely turning the tables as I held her down.

I avoided her gaze as much as I could, but our eyes locked as she struggled - and she flashed me an eerily calm smirk. 

"Heads up, horseboy." Quick as lightning, her legs had wrapped around my torso, propelling her upwards and landing a blow on my chin on her way out... which pissed me off because she had quite literally given me a "heads up." Clouds of dirt plumed in the wake of my fall to earth, leaving me on my back and the wind knocked out of me.

My vision swam and my ears rang - but I felt every tremble of motion around me - especially as one combat boot found my chest. Iyolani leaned over my flattened body - heel digging into my sternum - with that same gloating grin as always.

God, I hate that girl.

Our comrades roared, calling the match for her as I couldn't bring myself to stand. In my fuzzy state, I could see Eren's smug face in the crowd, making me only more livid as he embraced her after. 

I groaned, lowered my head back down, staying on my back in defeat. She had such a knack for humiliating me - why did she bother me so much?

The bell rang to end sparring, and as the others dispersed, I realized I was all alone in the dirt. Except... I felt footsteps approach me.

The same girl who had just flipped me to the ground now offered a hand, her face a mix of self-satisfaction and a hint of guilt. But I wouldn't let her embarrass me anymore.

I smacked her hand away, propping myself up on cut-up elbows, "I don't need your help."

She blinked, taken aback, but I wouldn't stop myself. I was fed up, "Why are you such a freak? You're not like the other cadets... you don't belong here."

Her open hand curled into a fist, now clutched to her jacket, pulling it tight as if a cold breeze had just passed through. "So what, Kirstein? I'm still a better soldier than you." She looked me up and down with malice, "Enjoy the mud, pig."

With an upturned gaze, she turned to go, leaving me to stew in my hatred of a girl I barely knew, and didn't care to.