Misery Loves Company

You & I

Misery loves company.
Just liked you "loved" me.
Or so I thought...

Drown me in your sorrows.
As I fill to the brim.
Never stopping; overflowing.

Silence overpowers.
And all it takes is one moment.
The silence so thick.
If One cricket chirped, the silence would shatter.

Repetition.
The same "I'm trying" surfaced.
Continuously looping.
Yet it was all meaningless.
100 plus times.
100 plus times you promised you we're trying.
Until eventually it became, Meaningless.

But there's a difference.
I tried aswell.
Yet I meant it.
I thoughtlessly gave it my all till the moment I shattered.

Never a moment to breath as I was in a cycle.
Unbearable pain.
Crushing disappointment.
Overwhelming guilt.
Dreadful loneliness.
Countless emotions suffocating me.

Becoming more vulnerable as the seconds passed.

Such a Stupid little girl.
And a Stupid little boy.

But I ask.
Fill me with your pain and unburden your wounded heart.
Because For you.
For you, I'd carry endless baggage.
Withstanding the pain as my knees became weak.

I sheltered you.
I cherished you.
I supported you.
I loved you.
I gave you my all.
I held on for you & us.
But when did you?

An Empty battery unable to give more.
A worn down punching bag incapable to take more.
A psycho who was crazy.
One unworthy of affection, comfort and care.
A hoe who was viewed as past men, never present.
A burden.
Forever a burden.

Blinded by love & hope.
Unable to recognize the deep truth.
Until it was all too late.

Your warning, this is your warning.
Please calm down.
The magic words right?
No.
Never magic words.
Never with the intent to ask.
Because it was your warning .

And it wasn't you.
It was me?
Never you.
Always me.

Until overwhelming realization came crashing down.
And I left.
But you couldn't bear.

You received pity.
Care.
Love.
Worry.

And me?

I sat in shattered silence and suffered.
Grieving your loss.

Five stages of grief.
Denial.
Anger.
Bargaining.
Depression.
And Acceptance.

I sat in denial unable to fathom that you were once known as the one I dearly loved and now you're just a familiar stranger.
I sat in anger unable to fathom the way I allowed you to treat me and for such a long period of time.
I bargained with myself that you would come back, and what we once had would work agaim.
And then I fell.
I plunged into my depression.
And I continued to fall.
I was drowning.

Unable to forget the linger of your distinctive touch.
Unable to forget the pleasant sound of your familiar voice.
Unable to cut the strings bound between us.
Unable to forget you from my foolish mind.

The days continue passing, and I'm stuck.
Never able to altogether leave my depression.
And never able to enter acceptance.
Constantly caught in the middle of both.
And when I finally feel I'm prepared to accept,
I'm always dragged back.

I however think it's my fault sometimes.
I still have the never-ending mental battles.

And was it my fault?
I don't think.
But in apparent reality I may never know.

However, all I do grasp Is one thing.
As John Ray formerly said "misery loves company"

You were drowning in misery, and I was saving you.
Or was I?

You clouded my judgement because you swore I was undoubtedly saving you but at times it never felt like It, nor seemed like it.

Yet you wanted my company.
You were misery and I was company.

Therefore, as one says.
Misery loves company and will always have company.