In My Thoughts

The Disappointment

You know its kind of hard

When you sense the disappointment

And see they try to hide it in their faces

They give up so much

For us to have a better life

And to make something out of ourselves

They work hard

For us to make a living off of them

Its hard since you have to make everything worth something

And when you fail something

Even if its the smallest thing

You make it seem even bigger

You want to make them proud

I know I do

I feel like I failed them

I feel like I made them feel everything

They worked for was for nothing

I feel like I'm a disappointment to them

I say this

I feel like I'm the problem

I would say I'm not in the best position in my life after everyting that happened

With thinking of suicidal thoughts

With my sister and her black magic issue

With almost losing the one person who understands me

With one of my best friends moving away in less than 3 months

And then there's school work in my junior year

Being known as the hardest year ever

oh what joy

I feel like I'm doing nothing in my life

And I feel like if nothing is gonna go my way than why live

The thoughts came back

But for some reason I can't do them

My mind is telling me yes

But..

My body refuses to listen

When you feel like you're worthless,

Or pointless

And just down to earth unhappy in your life

You feel like there is only one solution to fix that

But I can't do it

And I won't

I'll live through the pain

I'll live through the agony

I'll live through it

It's just gonna be hard knowing

When you feel like the disappointment in your family