I could imagine myself preparing a feast laid onto our square table. I wanted to be the one to prepare the foods on my birthday with the cake I had bought yesterday.
I was smiling ear-to-ear while my relative was confused on why I was so jolly on my birthday because they had known that I was not like this back when we were celebrating my past birthdays.
While we were eating, I flashed out a white envelope and handed it to my parents. They asked what was it and I just said open the envelope.
They were shocked that there were thousands of money there.
I was working hard for those..
I chuckled as my mind said those.
I look back to them with a smile plastered my face while they counted the money.
They said that they can't accept it but I jokingly be mad and said that I insisted it. After a few tries they had finally accepted the money.
At that night, I put the white box that I had been preparing for a month right now on my bed. Inside that box is full of folded letters with the name of a person that I had known.
I remember the day that this idea popped up and I had been spending a month writing these letters.
I smiled as I tapped the box with my palm.
"Make sure you are all sent to the right person, okay?"
Tommorow morning, I said farewell to my parents and siblings. I kissed their cheeks which I haven't done in my life ever. My parents were shocks while my siblings were also shocked but immediately changed it into a disgusted face. I laugh at that.
I said that I was going somewhere and told them that I love them very dearly.
I poured all my courage just to say I Love You to my parents.
I remember when I was a child till now that I won't greet them Happy Birthdays, Happy mother's day or Happy Father's day. So I guess I had to say this and just be truth with my life for now.
I wore a simple attire which is an oversized black t-shirt with a white font letters in the front.
"Sorry, I was weak."
That was it said on my shirt. They might said that I normally bought this from the mall. Though their half correct because I bought the black shirt in the mall when I print to what it said.
My below was just a faded jeans. I put on my I.D. and behind it it was a paper with a text in it.
"I had fun in my life, don't worry. It was my fault."
That was written behind my I.D.. I know I'm so obvious on what I'm gonna do but they wouldn't care.
Walking out with a smile as I contacted my friend who is working in an office and a secretary for the CEO.
I asked her if I can meet her as she happily agreed. But this was part of plan.
We talked for a while and as the time past, I asked her if I can go to their rooftop. She was confused but she agreed.
I apologise and asked her once again if she can leave me for an hour. (So she won't suspect me." She was so completely very confused, but still agreed.
As the rooftop doors closed, I immediately flashed out my phone and took a selfie of me smiling and had my hand rolled into a peace sign.
I walked toward on the end of the floor as I took a picture on what is look like below. I checked the image and silently whispered.
"Scary..."
I go to the home of my phone and saw that it was nearly 3 in the afternoon. I slide my phone down to the pocket behind my jeans.
I first prayed and said my sorry and thanking how fun it was to live my life and giving me a chance to live out my life at full. It was so much fun, I made friends, I made enemies, and still I haven't found the answer to my question.
What is life, anyway?
Not knowing, we still are living.
I took another step as a tears of unknown emotion escape my eyes.
While falling, I found myself regretting my choices.
05/13/21
While thinking of this earlier before I was writing this I had Billie Eilish song playing on my phone. The End Of The World was the song replaying and replaying on my phone.
I'm with my parents and my little brother right now. As Billie said "Of we had five more minutes.." another daydream of mine was created.
