Hallo!
So this is my first time writing angst and I'm open to criticism so you may tell me how to improve.
TW - Suicide, depression, self-harm.
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It's just like they said. "It won't stay like that" what a pitiful saying though somehow it tells everything about life. Friends won't stay, Family won't stay, Nothing will ever stay.
Everything was fine for a few years. I would play with friends talk to them. The hospital visits were fun I would always get a lollipop for being calm and not screaming like other children. I even fell in love it was a girl at first her name was Cindy she was popular someone like me didn't have a chance. A bit later she got together with a boy named Blake normal boy nice and good-looking. My heart broke it shattered it was so fragile then it would break at any point. I felt weak. I remember coming home locking the door to my room and crying it was a pitiful sight to see myself so weak and vulnerable but that soon ended.
I started school. I was a normal kid. I paid attention got good grades had fun. The doctor visits happened from time to time but they weren't bad they were fun like everything else. I didn't fall in love I studied locked myself in my room playing video games had fun I was like everyone else. I always had liked the garden at the back of the blue house. It was filled with flowers roses, lilies, I really liked the bleeding heart flowers the lady that lived there told me all about them she was nice.
College. It was fun meeting new people I met a boy he was pretty. He was like a flower petite, but still always beautiful he wouldn't leave like a flower he was always blooming. The doctor visits stopped I didn't need them that's what everyone said. I needed them I had scars on my arms and legs they were small like if I had grabbed a rose's stem and let all the spikes go deep in my skin till there was blood trickling down. It was painful but I let it wander back in my closed mind with everything else. It had been a year I told him I liked him he hit me. It was the same pain as the spikes but now it felt like I was rolling in a pit of spikes everything hurt. I could see him walk away with a girl who was nothing but a petal for his flower. I came home my mom cried my father yelled and I stood there watching them cry and beg me to tell them who did this who hurt me and why. I never answered. I had a broken arm but it healed over time.
I was working. I had picked a job I was a YouTuber it was a stupid job. I liked it I felt at home talking to a screen and nobody knew how I looked or felt. The scars were getting bigger. I tripped, a cat scratched me, I was fighting there were more I would say them when I felt weak or like they knew how I felt or how I was. They didn't. I met another boy he had everything he was what I wanted but he liked somebody. I didn't care he didn't know I liked him. I was fine with that. I and the boy talked more often. Turns out he doesn't like the boy. We met up. It was fun. He started acting weird around me asking "how are you ?" or "are you okay ?" He told me to go see a doctor. I went he told me I have depression I didn't know what that is. He told me all about it the risks and more. He gave me pills. I took them. Therapy. The lady would ask the same question again and again. Nothing changed.
We got together. I was happy I felt something new it wasn't love it was joy but not the same kind I had as a child I was happy again. I stopped taking the pills. I felt at ease he was my petal the one person I needed to feel. I met his family he met mine. We were happy and we loved each other deeply. He was a YouTuber as well. We were living the perfect life. In my mind, everything was going great. I loved him. We didn't fall apart. He helped me when I felt sad or angry, frustrated. It wasn't gonna last forever.
I wasn't happy the joy was gone. The scars were there they were more deep more blood. I took pills more and more. I needed them. I stayed in my room. I was weak, vulnerable. I didn't like it. I acted happily. He didn't suspect anything. Hoodies, long pants were everything I wore. He didn't care.
It had been a year.
I was now in my room on the floor.
A letter was next to me just out of my reach. I liked writing though I didn't wanna make it long. My lover had a separate one it was in my hands.
They were shaking.
A bang echoed through the thin walls and through the house.
Quick-paced footsteps more than one person.
Yelling, screaming.
It stopped just when I closed my eyes.
Everything was quiet. I was in a dark room. No lights, nothing. I waited and then I saw a dim light I walked toward it slowly taking in my surroundings. I was in the white light. There was a field with blue roses. They were light blue. I picked one up by the stem. The spikes went into my skin I could still feel the pain. There was a sparkly liquid dripping from my hands it was shiny like a fish's scales. "Pretty," I said. There was an echo. I started walking forward. I made it to a door it was filled with smoke when I opened it. The smoke smelt like a nice tropical day when you would be sitting on the beach and bathing in the warm sun. I knew I was supposed to go in something told me.
This is where we part ways Dream.
You were the last petal for my flower.
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Right, so this was my first time writing something like this. I don't know if it was hard to read if it was sorry I tried something new.
Drink some water, eat, sleep and stay safe.
Hope everyone has a nice day/night/afternoon.
- Karma :)
