“Dear diary, here I am again writing my feelings down in this little book filled with some of my deepest confessions. I have found that this is the one true place where I can express my innermost feelings. Well, I’ve hit another bump in my life. Yesterday I discovered that my boyfriend of almost a year had been cheating on me with another girl for three months. I was with him, at his house, when I found out. He looked into my eyes with such remorse. He reached for my hand, and told me everything was going to be alright. I pushed him away. Eyes watering, heart broken in two, I ran out of his house. He lied. He never loved me. He was just using me for his sick game. He only cared about what I looked like on the outside; He didn’t care about the true me. After all that, here I am just laying on my bed, heartbroken, confessing my true feelings to a book.
I closed the book and stared at the cover for a while. I let out a long sigh and set it aside. I turned my head to look at the clock, 12:36. I laid awake for what seemed like an eternity. I began questioning myself and my existence. Who am I really? Why am I here? Will I ever find someone who truly cares about me?
I awoke suddenly to the sound of my alarm, even more annoying than usual. I hit it so hard that I think it might be broken permanently. I sat in bed for a while, contemplating if I should even get out of bed today. No, I wasn’t going to let what happened affect me anymore. I’m going to put this behind me and just try to have a good day. I did my normal routine, slugging along more than usual. After I finished, still half asleep, I walked along to the subway. I sped along quickly so I didn’t miss my train. I saw my train departing, just my luck, I missed it. Oh, this just keeps getting better and better. I figured I might as well sit down and wait until the next train arrives. That’s when I saw him.
Oh, how cute he was. He had short brown hair and a very innocent face. He was also wearing these darkened glasses, so dark as to where one might think it would be very difficult to see through them at all. It was particularly bright out today though. I made my way over to the bench he was sitting at. He had such a keen stare, like he appeared to see more than what was just in front of him, as if he was seeing through the pure beauty of the world. “Is this seat taken?” I said. He jumped as though he hadn’t noticed me walking up. “Oh n-no, go right ahead.” He said. I could tell he was nervous; he never seemed to make eye contact. He kept looking down at his feet and lap. “You miss your train as well?” I asked. “N-no, I come here just to sit and clear my mind. It helps me think and I feel very at peace.” He said in a hesitant tone. “The subway station?” I replied. Hmh, I would think this would be the last place someone would come to clear their mind. There are so many different sounds and it gets quite noisy. “Ha-ha, yes. I think you’d find that I’m a very unique person indeed” He said.
We talked for a while, oh how good he made me feel. He was intelligent, funny, and the way he talked made you feel like he really cared about you. Every second I sat there I felt like I was the only thing that mattered in the world. But alas, all good things must come to an end. My train had arrived. I seemed to have been begging with fate itself. Just five more minutes, that’s all I ask. I told him I had to leave and I reached in his pocket and grabbed his phone. It was a phone that must have been at least seven years old. It was just an ordinary block phone. He must not have been the kind of person to keep up with technology. I put my number into his phone and handed it back to him. “Wait I almost forgot, what’s your name?” The question seemed to have slipped my mind throughout the entire time we were talking. “I’m Louis, Louis Vex.” I smiled and dashed off so I didn’t miss my train.
That name ran through my mind the entire day. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. What is this I’m feeling? I caught myself several times just staring into space, thinking about him. What if he won’t call me? Oh how I would feel… I mustn’t think of that. How I felt when I was next to him, it was something different, something new. I finished what I had to do and headed home. I had no trouble falling asleep this night, It was the best sleep I’ve had in a while.
The week flew by all too quickly. I found myself “missing my train” every day now. He was always there, sitting on the bench and I would always sit down to him and talk for what little time we could. While I was sitting there, I felt happy. Truly happy. A feeling I never got the chance to experience much. Today was an extremely hard day; I couldn’t bring myself to leave him. I scooted closer to him and kissed him. It startled him, and we both started laughing. I began walking away towards my train and found myself looking back many times.
This went on for many more days, each one better than the last. One day he finally worked up the courage and invited me over to his place on Saturday. I was excited, yet nervous. I wasn’t sure about what would happen but nonetheless I was anxious to go. The weekend was still three days away and I do not enjoy waiting. What a transition this was, the days flying by and now they are going ever so slow. Slow was nothing, these days were crawling along. I felt like I was never going to get to Saturday. But what felt like forever, eventually arrived. Saturday was here.
I took forever to get ready, nothing felt right. I couldn’t impress myself. Everything looked wrong. What would he think of me? I have to look my best… I was never fully satisfied, but I didn’t want to be late. I left my place and started heading towards his. What if he’ll think badly of me? Maybe I should turn around… No. The way he made me feel, that’s not something I can afford to lose. I arrived at his apartment. I wasn’t nervous anymore.
Through the door I went, up the stairs I climbed, down the hallway I walked. I stopped in front of his door. I went to knock and stopped myself. I heard voices, his and someone else. A girl’s voice. I looked through the window and saw him standing there with a girl. They hugged and then she kissed him on the cheek and said goodbye. I stood there for a while and then I began to cry. How could he do this to me… Apparently I was crying loud enough for him to have heard me because he opened the door and called out to me. Eyes watering, heart broken in two, I walked into his house. He walked slowly, dragging his hand along the wall until we reached the couch in the living room.
I looked around; I couldn’t bear to look at him. His house was relatively empty. He had no television and no decorations. All he had was a radio on the table next to us. I swallowed, still crying I mustered “I saw you with her, what am I to you? You’re just using me for my body aren’t you?!” “No, that’s not how it is at all. Look, I really like you. Hell, I think I might even love you. I just couldn’t bring myself to tell you…” “Tell me what?!” “Look into my eyes, take off my glasses and see.” He said. I was going through so much I hadn’t even realized he was still wearing those glasses. The glasses he had always worn. “What does that have to do with anyt-“ “Just trust me.” He interrupted. I did as he said. I reached for his glasses and looked into his eyes. What was this? H-his eyes… They weren’t… They weren’t… “Y –you’re” “Yes, I am. I was afraid you wouldn’t love me if you knew the truth.” I cried even harder, but I wasn’t sad anymore. What I felt was something different. What I felt was something good. It was love. I reached in and hugged him really tight. “The girl, her name is Mary. She’s my caretaker and a very close friend.” He said. “I understand. Louis… I-I love you.” As I spoke those words I stopped crying. I was happy. Happier than I had ever been before. “I love you too.” A pulse of warmth went through me when I heard him say those words. “I don’t care that you’re blind Louis, I love you, and love will overcome any obstacle. That’s what love is.”
“Dear diary, here I am once again writing my feelings down in this little book filled with my deepest confessions. Louis vex is my true love. His blindness is merely a factor that strengthens the love we feel for each other. He makes me truly happy. I started calling him Lo.ve after the first two letters in his first and last name (just a cute nickname I thought up). I have found my true love, and I couldn’t be better. Louis is my love, my love is blind, and I couldn’t be happier.”
