talk of the town - milos guzel

thirty-nine

(ik this isnt going to make sense so wtv )

1 month later .....

shaneese pov :

today marked 1 month of my pregnancy and it was the first ultra sound .. milos and mariah are coming with me ...

milos: ready to see your baby brother or sister ?

he told mariah ...

mariah: YES YES YES 

i smiled ... we put mariah in her car seat and we drove to the doctors office .. when we got there we waited to be called on .... when we got called on milos and mariah stayed in the waiting room to wait for me .. 

doctor : how you doing today mrs guzel ?

shaneese : so far good i just been a little worried because ive been having random back pains and stomach pains ... 

doctor: ok why dont we get that checked out 

i laid back and he lifted up my shirt ... he put that jelly ( ykw i mean ) ... he ran the machine .. his smile slowly started fading away ... he ran the machine again .. 

shaneese : whats wrong ?

doctor: im sorry shaneese but im afraid you suffered a misscarrige .....

shaneese: t-that cant be possible 

my whole world stopped ... i felt tears running down my face .. the doctor hugged me ...

doctor : im sorry 

i walked out the door and milos walked up to me ...

milos: whats wrong babe ?

i didnt speak ... we walked to the car ... 

milos : are you going to tell me what happened now or what ?

i choked on my own tears ...

shaneese : w-we l-lost the baby ....

milos: fucking hell 

he put his head on the steering wheel ... 

mariah: neese are you ok?

shaneese: yea honey im fine 

i lied to her ... we drove back home .. i went straight to my room milos and myla stayed downstairs ..  i felt so much pain in me ... tears took over my whole face .. i wanted to do something i used to do to partly take pain away ... 

(IF U CANT HANDLE THIS NEXT PART FEEL FREE TO SKIP )

*TW/ self harm *

i grabbed a razor blade ... i cut through my rists deeply.. i felt more pain but i didnt care at all ... i lost what i always wanted ...

( AN: when i tell u i almost cried reading this .... )