You don't deserve this

Why?

I felt like it was only a week ago that you were in the middle of the hall near your friends lockers with your beautiful black soft hair, blue eyes and summer tan. I remember wondering how anyone could possibly not stare a you. I watched you as you laughed and smiled talking to your popular stereo typical friends you seemed so damn happy yet I was so wrong. I was so far from the truth. I keep thinking to myself how was it possible to look that pretty and be so secretly insecure and depressed. You always finished your homework, got straight A's, played on a club and school varsity volleyball team and also on top of all that you managed to keep up with your social life and friends. I could never do that. You were so fucking prefect why couldn't you see that? You had so many people who cared about you. You didn't notice though did you? You, made up a role you acted like a you were so happy and perfect and you were so good at acting you fooled me your family and all your other toxic friends. Why didn't you show the real you to people or call out for help. You needed someone no one was there. You surrounded yourself with fake friends ones who didn't actually care about you just about what you posted and what you would wear. None of them helped you I imagine in some way you must have reached out for help but none of your stuck up self centered friends were there for you. They were never a shoulder for you to cry on or there for you vent on and on with they only cared about their fucking reputation. All this time and loneliness lead you to do the worst thing possible the thing that stops the pain for you but creates so much pain for other people who did really love you. I try not to think about you to much it's hurts to much. Every time I think about you I feel like I'm going to burst out crying I feel a knot in my throat that makes me want to cry and let it all out but I never do I'm afraid if I start crying I won't ever stop. Its hard not to think about you when everyone's posting about you. The school is over filling with posters about you and why we need " to stop bullying." The school is only putting up those stupid posters to make it seem like they actually care and want to make a difference.