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Chapter 1

I stared at the site before me, blood everywhere, and began to laugh. My mind was done processing emotions. I had physically given up. The irony did bring me that laughter. But it wasn't a funny laugh. It was a deep laughter being choked out with emotionless tears. He looked me in my eyes, horrified at the scene, and I knew he saw the psychopathic hopeless soul that resided in me. I knew I was his definition of insanity.

Now let's catch you up. For you to understand the mind of a psychopath you have to understand what made me. Most psychopaths are born with psychotic minds. Mine was degraded to a point of no hope. Mine was strung apart and almost shoved in a switch such as some dumb theory from a vampire show. Then eventually, I cut that switch off, and it never came back on. My whole life i'd been living in this hell like world but I never realized it until about middle school. I think that's when things started going wrong. Once I realized how unhappy and miserable I was, I knew it would take a lot to find happiness. Most people do find that happiness when they hit rock bottom, because the only way to go is up right? Wrong. Every time I hit rock bottom it was almost as if someone picked me up and redropped me harder and farther. My parents were constantly fighting and my father eventually walked out and never came back. He would occasionally send me a card for my birthday. He didn't remember when it was so he'd just say he was caught up with work. My mom functioned as a robot. I wasn't allowed to do anything, she never talked to me, and she was never proud of me. Sometimes I wish my father would've taken me to help with whatever drug lord shit he had going on. No matter what, I had to wake up and get ready for school and wear a fake smile every day. I had to prepare myself to answer "I'm good!" to anyone who asked how I was and "Oh yes, i'm fine" to anyone who asked if I was okay. It wasn't like every day was bad I just couldn't pull out any sunshine in me to be happy. I had no motivation and it was hard for me to even hang with my friends. After school was the same routine, run to my room and pretend to do homework while napping and avoiding anyone in my house. My mom would bring home all sorts of people to scam into giving her money so I learned to keep my mouth closed and keep my head low. Finally, I was used to everything. My life got to the point where I had just accepted all that happens and I wasn't doing bad or good. I was just okay. Everything was okay. And everyone was okay. Until I met him. And he was more than okay.