Michael lay in his bed, staring up at the dark blue ceiling. It was somewhere close to 4 am, or so, he thought. He knew he had to sleep but he couldn't. He did feel tired, but the heaviness of what he felt wouldn't let him.
It was sudden and it hit hard. He thought it would leave soon but it didn't. The sadness wouldn't leave him. It was as if someone had placed an anvil on his chest and he was suffocating without anyone to call out to for help.
He remembered what he had once told him mom when he was young. That he wanted to feel free. Sure, when you're small, you've got nothing to worry about. But school was hard, the pressure was hard. He clearly remembered feeling tired, so very tired but not physically, just mentally. He used to sigh; a sigh that came from deep within his soul that carried everything he ever felt. And not having anyone to talk to, not having anyone who would understand and just listen only made it worse.
He thought it was normal, that it would pass as time went by. But time went by, and it only grew. Time went by, and it grew into a flower, but that flower didn't turn out healthy and beautiful, it turned out withered and rotten, it just needed the sunlight and air to turn gorgeous again, but it couldn't find any. And he was that flower.
The reputation he had been stuck in for the past years wasn't helping. The same boring reputation, the same path, the same actions, it exhausted him too badly.
He thought back to the beautiful memory when he and his parents had gone on a road trip. The way he had felt as free as a bird soaring high in the sky. The way he had howled into the whipping wind while his dad drove the car. The way his mother had laughed when his dad was singing a classic completely off tune. The joy he had felt, it was beautiful. It was a peaceful reminder that after everything, he had to go back to the real world out there, to all the worries and strains awaiting him.
Another delightful reminiscence was each and every second he spent with his best friend. The way they both had gone to a fair to end up throwing ice cream at each other's face. How they had raced along the shore, trampling over beach mats and tubes of sunscreen not having a care in the world. The way they had spent most of every weekend, sprawled on his couch, just relaxing and joking around about everything and anything. He clearly remembered the way they had grown distant, quieter. He never knew why but eventually, they drifted apart from each other. But he still cherishes those beautiful moments, still holds them close to his heart to help him find the peace he needs.
He snapped back to reality. The sun was rising which illuminated the faint light on his ceiling. It was time for it to stop. He wasn't going to let it drag him down. Too long, he had been on the same page for too long, it was time to start the next chapter. It was time for him, time to live his life the way he wanted.
He sat up, fighting off the heaviness in his chest. He grabbed a bag, filled it with a few necessary garments, some cash and snacks. He took his car key from a small glass bowl he kept in the living room and opened the door to the next chapter he was going to write for himself.
He walked out, the dreariness already lightening, walked the first few words of his new chapter filled with confidence and the freedom he yearned for. He didn't know where he would end up, but he didn't worry about it then.
He was going to truly live. He was going to make his own moments.
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