𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐄 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐋𝐔𝐄

Chapter 3

Dinner was atrocious. Harry and Malfoy spent the entire time bickering silently with each other, and Malfoy kept accusing Harry of visualizing him lying naked on the table with a pudding on his crotch.

'DON'T MAKE SHIT UP. This is hard enough as it is.'

Hard enough indeed, Potter. Too bad for you I like the ladies. But then, you do seem to have some nice ideas here about your friend Wea-

'SHUT UP, for God's sake! I'm going to throw up if you keep at it.' Draco snerked quietly for a moment and thought about pants, and how nice it was when they fit just right. Harry groaned a little as he discovered which side Draco hung to. He considered his pasta salad for a moment, and thought, 'Can you actually see things?'

Well, yes. Can't you?

'No. I can't only hear what you're thinking. I can't see what you imagine. DEEP IN THE RECESSES OF YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS.'

Is that what that is?

'I'D SAY SO.'

Oh calm down. It's very funny, really. I have blackmail material on you for years to come.

Wonderful, Harry thought. Just great. He was trying to focus on the fork in his hand and not on Draco's current rumination about his socks, and how nice they felt against his feet. He sighed and slumped in his seat.

"Harry?" Ron touched Harry's shoulder and he did his best not to flinch. WAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAA!! Harry decided not to even ask what Draco had seen. "What's wrong? Is Malfoy giving you a hard time?"

He said 'hard'! HAHAHAHAHAAA! "It's okay, Ron. It just takes a little...getting used to."

*

That night, Harry couldn't sleep. Malfoy was thinking randomly about the weave of the curtains, the way particles kind of float around in the air when you can see into a stream of light at just the right angle, he wondered what the appendix was really for in the first place anyway, and he considered long and hard about which he preferred, apples, or oranges. I mean, it's really like comparing apples and oranges, isn't it.

'YES.' Harry had finally had enough. 'it is EXACTLY like comparing apples and oranges!'

Oh don't get snippy with me, Potter. Just because I don't sit around all day coming up with ways to screw you silly doesn't make you better than me.

'I have no idea what you're talking about.'

Good lord, how can you not notice? I mean, come on. Think. Tonight while you were doing your homework, what you were thinking about?

'History. I was thinking about History.'

And?

'THERE IS NO AND.'

Potter. You spent the whole time thinking about your history essay and imaging me sitting between your legs licking your kneecaps. Does this ring a bell?

Harry felt ill. Strangely, it did remind him of something. He was thinking about how to word a paragraph about the troll revolts, and...why, yes indeed. There was Draco Malfoy, wearing nothing but a bit of gauze, lazily tracing his tongue along Harry's knee. For every paragraph he finished the gauze seemed to slip a little lower. Had he really thought that?

Yes. Yes you did. What's wrong with you, did you not get hugged enough as a child?

'I never got hugged as a child.'

Oh. Sorry.

'Yeah right.'

Hmm.

'What?'

You're just...making me randy.

'Oh God.'

Well, it's only natural! Linking up with a brain like yours. I thought the bit about McGonagall's desk was particularly inspired.

'OH GOD.'

Are you really that unaware?

'Yes. Yes I am.' He rolled over onto his side and pushed his face into the pillow. 'Is it always about you?"

Yes. Well, no. Not really. Mostly just when you see me, I guess. Or think about me. Which seems to be, well, all the time, pretty much. Though a few times when Weasley happened by you-"

'Oh God. Spare me. Please.'

I didn't know twins got up to that kind of thing, but I must say I'm intrigued.

'Well, you're no innocent. I heard your long diatribe about women's breasts.'

Oh.

'I don't think you're about the ladies at all, quite frankly.'

There is more to a woman than those strange wobbly bags of fat.

'Did someone not get breastfed enough as a infant?"

Shut up.

Harry groaned. This was impossible. How could he sleep with someone else in his head? He tried to think the purest possible thoughts. He thought about Snuffles, and how much he-

HARRY! My God! You think about family that way? I don't feel so special anymore!

'Now you really ARE making shit up.'

Okay, yes I am. You had it coming. Heheheheh I said 'coming'.

'Are you ten years old, or something?'

Hmph.

Harry eventually fell asleep trying very hard to deny that he could hear Malfoy using his own subsconciousness as a porn magazine in his own not-so-private wankfest. Mmmmmm. Maybe I am that flexible.

'DRACO. STOP IT. No wanking while we're connected like this, it's not...it's not ETHICAL.'

I could get that flexible if you were really prepared to do THAT!

'Draco!'

What, you want me to walk around with this? Please. I'm only taking care of my own health.

Harry feigned sleep until he felt Draco's brain shift into dreams, and then rolled over to take care of his own problem. When he was finished, he heard gales of laughter in his head. Potter. Oh Potter Potter Potter. You are one sick little puppy, you know that?

Harry concentrated on murderous thoughts until he fell asleep.