M E T A N O I A || louis partridge

prologue

M E T A N O I A

10/10/2021

dear louis,

i want to start with i'm sorry. i'm sorry for wasting 10 months of your life, i'm sorry for hurting you, i'm sorry for leaving you, i'm sorry for this.

the day you held my hand at school, that was the day i realised how fucking in love with you i was, and i still am. i felt this safeness that no one had made me feel before.

all the times you allowed me to be myself around you, you taught me to love myself, to not be ashamed of my marks and scars instead embrace them, to live life.

and most importantly, you taught me how to love. i can't thank you enough for everything you've done for me.

i hope you understand now why i had to leave, because i knew that us being together would make this moment even harder for the both of us. i know how much we love each other and trust me whenever you heard me say 'i love you more' i meant it, i will always love you more than you could possibly imagine.

look lou, life is like a maze; you have to take different routes to find different people and places and overcome obstacles, but my maze... there's no escape, the only way out is by ending it.

i'm not doing this to hurt you i promise, nor am i doing it to hurt anyone whether it be sam or mum or dad.

i just want everything to go away, to start again. if there was a reset button on my life god would i press it, yes i would. i would take back all my mistakes, i would've realised so much earlier how much i love you.
louis patrick james partridge, god damn i love you so much it aches.

i need you to forget,

about me. that's all you can do now, for me.
i'm at peace now, this was always meant to happen.
everything happens for a reason; that's what you always told me right?

i want you to move on.

find another girl

fall in love with her

marry her

give your kids the names we always talked about

love them

take care of them

be there for her

do all the things that people who are madly in love do, take her out of meaningful dates and treat her right.

spoil her

forget me

you'll see me again one day, after you grow old. that's how life works i guess, just not mine.

now looking at the pictures i got developed from our millions of disposable cameras.

the pictures of us at that fun fair, you winning me a teddy like in those cliche programs and films.

i feel like i'm living in my own film, but it's a tragedy. i had my true love along the way but that did fuck all.

to the public eye we were the picture-perfect couple, in my eyes we had that relationship. but not every fairytale has a happy ending.

for the last time, i love you so fucking much.
remember everything happens for a reason.

i just had to get away.

yours,
little bird xxxxxxx