Call me a Cynic

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It burned on my lungs just the way that I liked it as I took a breath of air the puff of smoke left my lips the smoke stick in my hands was the only thing keeping my hand warm in the cold of the room I was in.

I could feel the tension roll from my body as I relaxed into the wall next to the bed rolling my head to the side; I felt everything from the fresh burn in my lungs to the calming pump of my blood trying to keep my body going the fresh noise of it beating stayed still in my head as I moved my eyes lowly.

Even the corners of my eyes burned but with the feeling in my lungs it was easy to ignore as I rolled the still lit One through my fingers numbly watching the way that it crossed my knuckles leaving a trail of hot ash, this was my safe space.

In this scene, as I stood leaning against the wall watching the dust particles gather in the limelight of the moonlight, it was the Erotic way that the sky lit up my room that drew my attention to circle at the pane.

It was dark and yet in this darkness I could see the way that the light of the moon wrapped its way around the two pieces of furniture in here from the wooden post of the bedframe to the desk I nudged into the corner of the room; It even moved its way to hold onto the slight suitcase in the other corner of the room just briskly making its way onto the corner of it.

I took another puff staring at the suitcase as the situation brought itself onto me once more I Didn't move anything but the lowly limp arm holding my cigarette. I wondered if they'd knock on my door to yell at me or reprimand the 'sickly' habits of mine the very thought of them even coming close to this room brought a heavy feeling in my stomach.

But another puff made it all go away as I rolled my head again, so easy to forget I brushed my hand against my skin gently wiping away the fatigue in my bones, it had been a while that I had stood here starting from when the sun had been swaying high in the middle of the sky to now when the moon had taken its place.

I would run out of packets quickly it seemed and that was something that nerved me; if there was any way to even get my fix up in these deadlands It would be By either a student or making my way down into the towns that were at least an hour away from this mountain; it was completely and utterly isolated up here.

Despite those thoughts, I took another puff the stick shortened enough that I could feel the haunting burn nearing my hands, I would have to savour what I had and figure out a solution when the time came I couldn't waste my relaxing methods on anxious thoughts of how to get my next ones.

I found myself lulling to the bedside running my hands through the blankets the itchy comfort it brang had me take another puff breathing out as I watched the smoke slowly trail into the thin air up above me Romantically I loved the way that the grey smoke escaped me and formed shapes into the air, the way that It mixed in with the dust and light in the air brought a rush like no other as I lay watching It disappear from the naked eye

I was Perfectly Okay with this situation

No wrath, no hatred just the sick burn of smoke in my body and the romantic loom light cascading through the window caught on the tampered curtains and held me in embrace So sweet it was sickening. The musky feeling of blankets underneath as the bed creaked quietly with each shift of my body and the way the wooden floor below me brought shivers into my legs as I curled my feet up onto the bed slightly paranoid of them being next to the open space underneath the bed as they too curled up under the blankets with the rest of my body.

I took the final puff putting out the cigarette and throwing it onto the desk in the corner as I curled up head against the pillow as I looked to the window pane once more my head heavy watching as the stars seemed so much brighter than back at home.

And as The weight of my eyelids grew too heavy for me to bare I found myself closing them breathe evening out alongside them as I entered my unconsciousness content in My silent independence.

I was a Cynic