John Mitchell for ella

HAHAHSHSHHSHSHS

Days have passed since Mitchell left us. It feels as if a part of me has left with him. I don't get his comfort anymore. I can't feel the warmth of his smile when he walks in the room. I can't smell his cologne anymore. I can't feel his breath against the nape of my neck when he pulls me in for a hug. There's nothing left of me and you, Mitchell. Only memories that fade into tears.

I sit on his bedsheets, freshly washed. I imagine him sitting next to me, kissing the top of my head and whispering in my ear until I'm okay.

"Ella," His voice calls for me in the cold air.

"Mitchell," I call back, a tear rolling down my cheek.

His arm is around my waist. I can smell his sweet breath as he exhales. He smiles at me and I feel the warmth flowing through my body. His hand places itself on my cheek, wiping away the single tear.

"You're happy, aren't you?" I whisper to him.

He nods, a reassuring nod, trying to comfort me the way he always did.

I look down and blink, wiping away any tears that have escaped from my eyes. I lift my head again, searching for Mitchell, but he's gone.

I laugh a bit, "For a moment, I thought we were in heaven." I talk to nothing but the thin, icy air.

"Don't wait for me, I can't come," His voice repeats in my head.

Suddenly, a figure appears at the door. It's George. He sighs as he sits on the bed, I can tell he's been crying recently. His eyes are red and puffy, but he tries to hide it to keep me from crying as well.

"Ella.." He starts, his voice cracking a bit. However, he doesn't continue. He just stares at the blank walls.

"In another life," I whisper to him, "We'd keep all our promises."

George shakes his head and lets his tears fall.

"Nothing breaks like a heart," He adds, his mind rushing with memories of him and his best friend.

We sit there for what feels like hours before George stands up, placing his hand on my shoulder and rubbing his thumb in a circular motion. His tears begin to flow faster than before.

"To the boy who sought freedom," George sighs and takes one last look at the room. He lowers his pitch into a near whisper, "Goodbye."

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I lean back onto the bed, inhaling the scent of Mitchell. My back arches as I feel something cold pressing against me. I sit up again, searching for whatever had touched me.

A notebook.

I slip it into my hand, my fingertips sliding across the cover. I flip open the book to find Mitchell's messy handwriting.

Ella,

I will love you recklessly, without words or empty phrases. I will love you with blazing truth and hopeless defiance and unapologetic beauty. I'll love you forever and even still when forever runs out.

I wish I'd done everything on Earth with you. I don't know how you are so familiar to me- or why it feels less like I am getting to know you and more as though I am remembering who you are. How every smile, every whisper, it brings me closer to the impossible conclusion that I have known you before. I've felt your lips and skin and smelt your clothes and breath. I have loved you before- in another time, another place, a different existence.

My mouth hasn't shut up about you since you kissed it. Meeting you was like listening to a song for the first time and knowing it would be my favorite.

Tell George not to cry. Tell Nina to be brave. Please don't cry for me, when I needed you, I always saw you there.

It's okay if you're confused, if you're hurt, if you're lost and unsure. Tell me all about it. Tell me what you want most in this world. Tell me what makes you happy. I want to make you happy again.

Don't cry at all please. I've been set free. My soul is always with you.

You'll live long after I'm gone, you'll forget about me, and you'll be free. I don't want to die. But all those people I killed, they never wanted to die either. Do not forgive me, Ella.

I don't know what will happen after I die, but I know that you can be free from fear. I wish I could see you again, but I don't deserve to.

You know it, Ella. My time has come. Please, let me go.

Yeah. I know.