This Tortured Soul[ErenXLevi]

My Hidden Pain

My heart beats fast for the man I love and I know it'll never stop...

I knelt on the cold floor of the castle in which my squad, Squad Levi, Haden taken up its residence in, scrubbing with a damp washcloth.

Ugh. So much work to do. Why is Heicho such a neat freak?

I sighed and sat with my back up against the stone wall, wincing as icey cold but into my spine. I took a breath, trying to relax my tight throat and pricking eyes.

I honestly felt like crying. Life out here was hell. I mean, it's a lot when your family and friends are eaten in front of your eyes when you can do nothing. It hits hard when your mom is eaten and your father disappears without a trace. But even that didn't keep me down as much as one certain thing did.

What made me hurt, and made me want to just get eaten in half and bleed the rest of my life out were the knives that were my own's taunts and threats and critisms and punishments.

God, it hurt. It fucking hurt. So, so bad it hurt. It hurt like I was constantly being impaled with swords. It hurt like I had acid in my veins that is slowly burning my away. And it hurts so much because all I do is love him and love him and love him.

It hurt because my love was my own torture, my own restraint. It's the constant bullshit that I had to live day by day with.

It hurt because I couldn't leave the man I loved, the man I held so close as he pushed me so far. It hurt because I didn't want to stay. It hurt because there was no way out of that devil's trap.

All I wanted was a pause. A break. A snooze button just a little hiatus from society.

I closed my eyes as they teared up and sniffled.

No. No crying in the corps.

I heard quick boot clicks and flinched, returning to my cleaning job.

"How much more Jaeger?"

Levi's familiar voice rang in my eardrums and my heart rate sped up.

My heart beats fast for the man I love and I know it'll never stop...