prisoner. erenxreader

live forever

i'm sitting eyes wide open and I got one thing stuck on my mind
wondering if I dodged a bullet or just lost the love of my life

_______________________________

I was back in my room after Sasha's funeral. I curled up on my side in bed with a numb feeling in my chest. Wasn't sure how long it'd been now, two, maybe three hours since the burial.
My heart was shattered into a million pieces, I sat with Mikasa and Armin beside her grave after everyone left. We sat and sobbed until we physically couldn't anymore.

The thought of Eren that plagued my mind as I gripped my pillow in anger. I couldn't even mourn in peace.
I threw a good few punches at it before holding it tightly against my chest. I felt the tears silently fall again, taking a deep breath, I sniffed back the pain.

I was feeling extremely conflicted, of course I couldn't tell anybody about visiting him. Which meant I couldn't confide neither, and so he continued to hound my head.

I was still trying to get my head around his words, his desperate face flickered in my mind, his desperate voice echoed. I asked myself over and over, the same question. Why now?
The more I questioned it the more vexed I became with myself for leaving the way I did.

Three soft knocks at my door disturbed my sobs.

"Come in." I wiped the remaining tears from my face and sat up.
It was Armin.

He looked so tired but smiled sweetly at me. "Hey." He spoke quietly, as if with caution.
I managed to raise a small smile back, how could I not?
"I was worried, you didn't say a word at the funeral." He came in and closed my door.

I looked down at my hands in my lap "We've lost so many, when it's somebody close to you where do you even begin to process it?"

"Yeah" Armin took a seat beside me "Captain Levi.. how do you think he even copes?"

I frowned, unable to provide an answer. I could feel the tears creeping back up again but managed to blink them back.

"Niccolo did such a nice thing, for her family."
I could tell Armin was trying to change the subject, I nodded only half paying attention.

He tilted his head to face me "By the way, we came by this morning but you weren't here, where'd you go?"

I was hoping he'd never ask. The static feeling in my hands came back as I started to panic, who was I kidding, I can't lie to Armin. He always knows when anybody is lying, he also knows me better than anyone.

I took a deep breath looking straight ahead
"I.. went to see Eren." My stomach dropped, I winced and shut my eyes tight. If I know him, I'm preparing myself for a scolding and lecture.

"Ah."

I opened my eyes and turned to him "Is that it?"

Armin smiled and let out a small chuckle.
"I just wanna know how the hell you managed to get down there?"

"The door was open, Hange was there alone." I spoke quietly.

He exhaled through his nose, I could tell he was concerned.
"Right, so what did you guys talk about?"

I couldn't brush off his question, but I did need some sound advice so I took the opportunity. I knew Armin wouldn't be judgmental, he's only ever cared about everybody's well being, including Eren's.

"He told me.. he said he's in love with me."

Armin never said a word, he raised his eyebrows at me and turned his pressed lips downwards. Not from shock it seemed, it was more of a 'finally'.