About a Girl Who Dressed in Black

A Catcher in the Rye

Tuesday, 20:12

Later that evening, i was struck dumb after realising all my life was an endless loop of hell- and something made me 'stuck'. I filled my whole life with useless long term relationship, paid my extra expensive bills, also my obnoxious boss who kept pushing me. All along the street i walked, as i wishing myself to die, went to place i regularly visit.

Finally..

"The usual Asian dolce latte half sugar no caramel syrup, sir?"

"Yes please"

I sat down and sighed. Replaying thoughts that somebody said to me a while ago. She's my ex girlfriend- last thing she said before brokeup was "You're cold-hearted asshole" I'd never forget that.

Actually she said the right thing, i am asshole, i am cold-hearted, both describe the person me. You can add more harsh words too, really. Irritating guy? moron? cocksucker, depressed prick? you name it.

Girl by The Beatles playing

Is there anybody going to listen to my story?

All about the girl who came to stay?

She's the kind of girl

You want so much, it makes you sorry

Still you don't regret a single day

Alongside the cafe, i randomly stare at everybody who was at the place, all of them seemed melancholy, that look in face had me pity. The distress old man who stayed there with blank face- Soda drink he'd never finished, feels like he waited for somebody that never came. One middle-aged woman constantly grinned over me, she worked as an accountant across the Cafe. If i can be honest, she's actually hot. You know, mom of 2 daughters? But nonetheless. No one, no single person really had me head over heels- nothing interesting among them all. They're just like a miniature.

People are always ruining things for you. These loud voice of bunch of people's talking made my head goes dizzy- and i tried to focus, drinking the coffe i had, to clear my mind.

But then this one person. A Catcher in the Rye by J.D Salinger. Utterly bitter americano coffe.

Red-haired, sat down in the corner, smelled like fresh air in first period of spring seasons, meanwhile she got her book in her right hand. The eyes, brown- almost black but when she got under the lamp it's shimmering, glimmering light brown to me. I stare at her, enchanted by this girl- she wore outright monochrome clothes, either way she still be looking dazzling with flourishness of dysphoria.

20:45

"I read this one too." said me, reaching out to her awkwardly. "One of the most favourite book by most serial killer." She gushed her coffe- burst into laugh. I smiled at her before it turned into laughter.

"You know what? i agree, but reading this doesn't make me show up as serial killer, right?"

I nodded. "You don't seem like a serial killer to me" We laughed, so i sat down in front of her.

"Zoey" She said. "M-my name zoey"

"So.. Zoey, i'm Q"

"You're coming here casually right?" she asked.

"Sadly yes" I raised my eyebrows, and she kept looking straight to my eyes. "I work there, two blocks away from this gloomy cafe" I pointed outside.

"I know few lines from A Catcher in the Rye.. when holden caulfield says 'when you're dead, they really fix you up. I hope to hell when I do die somebody has sense enough to just dump me in the river or something'" and then she said this line together with me 'Anything except sticking me in a goddam cemetery. People coming and putting a bunch of flowers on your stomach on Sunday, and all that crap. Who wants flowers when you're dead? Nobody'"

All of sudden she cries loudly, everyone looked terrified and disgusted i don't know why, was it because of me trying so hard to help? Even the barista glared at me, noticed something wasn't right. "Hey, are you okay?"

Zoey wiped her tears, smiled. "I-i'm sorry, that line from the novel reminds me of something, it's missing" Hearing her soothing voice made my heart beat faster. "No, don't be sorry! i am the one who sorry because i appear from nowhere and reaching you out, you must be scared."

"I think you are special. Even though i just met you. It was always something in your eyes."

She smiled widely to me, her gloomy eyes.

"S-sorry i'm afraid i have to go right now, Q."

"Okay, i'll never forget you zoey."
" We'll meet again here"

It is so hard to leave—until you leave. And then it is the easiest goddamned thing in the world.

Without any words to say, she left. I stared at her back until she dissapeared. Began to think if honestly she was irritated by me or somehow.

Wednesday 17:55

I visited the place again, came from work early-savoring my usual coffe with some fake people on the background. Hoping that zoey would show up so we can talk about hanging out. "TY, where's that all-black red haired girl i met yesterday?" i asked. "She's not here today?"

TY, the barista sighed. "Q, you should never met that girl again"

"What do you mean?"

TY sighed twice, annoyed me to death, i was so afraid that this girl might be in danger? or anything.

"She stabbed her boyfriend twice in the face, twice in the stomach, once in neck" TY showed me the headline news on his phone. "This is zoey right?" He makes sure again. I was shocked- shocked until my legs started to trembling. "The victim, her own boyfriend was hospitalized yesterday on 01.20, struggle to live again, but it was impossible. He died" TY won't stop talking and then i shouted "Shut up!" loudly, TY scared of me and started to walk backwards. "I'm sorry Q, but that's what really happened to her."

Really? our story ended just like this?

flashback 5 days ago

"What do you mean, Clementine?"

"Just fucking explain to me!"

"I did nothing to you, i-i didn't even mean to hurt you, at least intentionally!"

I had fight with my ex 5 days ago, where it all started when she found a bright g-string underwear below my car seat. It was from the random prostitute, had sex the other night because i was totally drunk at that time. Clementine thought i was cheating from her. I tried to hug and calm her from crying, but she kept saying harsh words and defy me. My anger had reached to the top- until the pulse inside my head started to hurting me. "You're cold-hearted asshole!" Clementine said, before i reached the kitchen knife. Stabbed her twice in the face, twice in stomach, once on her neck. "C-clementine i'm sorry! please live again!" I held her, meanwhile when i look at her face it was already lot of puncture marks and blood all over. God! Really, i was in unconcious state of mind! Fool, fool, fool!

Afterwards i dumped her body in riverside

That's the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty, even if they're not much to look at, or even if they're sort of stupid, you fall in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are. Girls. Jesus Christ. They can drive you crazy. They really can.