why do I do this to myself

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So apparently I'm making a character in my OC book. She's f*cking unsettling to say the least. I'm not done with her yet, because i procrastinate while also avoiding to finishing on purpose. For her looks, I picked Ozen mostly because the image above. But I can unnerved myself a little when I was listening to this video

It reminded me that she is gonna be nothing more then a monster in human flesh, and i don't like

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