Lipstick Stains

yes I know that love's like ghosts

I never thought a screen would give me such feeling.
I never believed that you didn't find love, love is the one to find you.

It's 3:56 am, I can hear some stupid song playing through my headphones as they lay on my desk, next to my glowing monitor, the air is hot and my bed sheets stick to my back, I see the fan turning, just moving the thickness around me.

I look over to my side table, the screen of my phone is shining, I see how it vibrates, the name that owns the noise, that owns my sleep and my entire fucking days pops up along with the light in the screen. I go for my phone but a glimpse of the picture I saved for his contact keeps my hand still, I can't help but remember the words I said, the redness in his face, his high-pitched "Dream!!", his text "why would you say that?", the fear of doubting if he was being funny or serious, everything that had happened made me freeze. Only when I hear patches scratching the carpet I finally snap out of it, the phone is no longer vibrating, I missed the call.

I know sleeping is impossible by now so I stand up, some kind of freshness reliefs me when the fan's air stream hits my back, I move to the doorway as I try to listen if Nick is still awake, the house stays silent, the floor creaks a little when I start walking towards the kitchen, the air feels less thick, less hot, less... suffocating.

I walk down the stairs trying to see my steps, everything would be pitch dark if it wasn't for the slight light coming from a pole on the street, the big window letting it shine through. I finally make my way to the kitchen, I don't know what I'm looking for so I just grab a glass of water.
I stare into the darkness of the house, the silence contributing to the steady pace of my hundreds of thoughts, I need ice.
When I open the freezer I notice a pint of chocolate chip ice cream, and it's definitely Nick's because I don't remember buying it, the weird thing is, I never used to like Ice Cream before Nick moved in, and now I want to steal a scoop so badly. I think to myself "He won't even notice if I just, don't eat too much", so I take the pint, I take a spoon and I just get into it, the coldness of the ice cream starts cooling my body, I'm moving the second spoonful of ice cream to my mouth when Nick shouts "DUDE!" I jump right there letting out a scream of my own

Dream: WFT NICK? You scared me!

Sapnap: Thats MY Ice Cream Clay

Dream: oh... yeah, well I hoped you wouldn't mind, I was just so fucking hot I needed something to cool down.

Sapnap: Okay? And what the hell are you doing awake at 4 in the morning?

Dream: couldn't sleep.

I say as I put the second spoonful on my mouth.

Sapnap: why? is it what happened on the last stream?

He stares at me, I feel like I'm glaring at him but he probably can't see me because of the darkness, I take another spoonful.

Dream: Nah, I was editing a clip from George's next video.

I say with ice cream in my mouth, going in for the forth take.

Sapnap: sure... Okay, stop, that's enough ice cream dude! you're literally going to finish it.

I look down to see that the pint is almost full

Dream: what? no way! I barely even touched it.

He comes closer and takes it from my hand, closes it, throws the spoon into the sink and puts the pint back again in the freezer, I probably look disappointed because Nick turns around and smirks at my sad face.

Sapnap: Hey! don't be a sad puppy... buy your own ice cream next.

Now I make sure he sees when I glare at him.

Dream: I'm still going to steal it.

Nick simply shrugs his shoulders and places his hands on the counter.

Sapnap: Sooo... I think I'm going back to bed, you should also try to get some sleep...

he starts walking towards the kitchen door and before leaving he turns around.

Sapnap: ... after all, today's Gogy's big day.

I try to see if he actually winks at me but before my mind can process it, he's gone.

George's big day huh, I didn't know we called this day his big day, I try to explain to myself how did we get to today, how did I let my feelings grow this big? I guess it's his fault, maybe Nick's and Bad's fault a little too, if it wasn't for them I would've been oblivious to all this, but now, now... I can't even see George because my heart skips a beat, and if I'm not careful, I run my mouth, and things like what happened in yesterday's stream start happening, so I have to breathe. The thing is, I also have to sleep because George is going to stream for 24 hours without stopping, and we promised we would be there for most of his stream.

So I walk back upstairs, and as I walk my heart starts beating rapidly, my head spins a little, How the hell am I going to do this? I haven't even resolved my feelings and I get all flustered when George talks to me. I see Nick's door and I'm very tempted go to him for any kind of advice he could give me, but he's probably asleep by now so I walk to my room. I see the black screen of my phone and my heart races a little more, did he call me again? I tap on the screen just to see that one missed called from an hour ago, I don't know why but suddenly everything goes slow again, the hotness of my room hits me, and the suffocating sensation fills me, I grab my phone to call him but when I'm about to do it, I remember... he feels nothing like what I feel for him, he doesn't even sees me as anything more than what I am... his best friend.

I lay down, looking up at the ceiling, my hand hanging from the edge of my bed, my phone falls as I turn to my side, the words "It's okay" float in my mind, I hear the new song that's playing through my headphones ~ in the face, tell me that you love me even if it's fake, cause I don't fucking care ~ I close my eyes and just let the song crawl and mix with my own thoughts. I don't even know what time is it when I fall asleep.