dear thief
some days i imagine you as a man sitting alone in a cell
wearing an orange jumpsuit and an ugly smirk
some days i imagine you as a giant beast
dark and nasty, eyes red, claws bloody
with a hole where a soul should be
but no matter what you are, of all things
dear thief, who made you god?
who gave you the right to turn my world inside out?
you took something from me
you made memories into novelties
what were supposed to be our moments into frail flowers growing out of cracks in the pavement only to be stepped on
because they were crushed before even given the chance to bloom
dear thief
how do you teach a little girl to pick up the pieces of her broken heart?
warm tears rolling down her cheeks, replacing old ones in a perpetual cycle
she is falling through a deep, hungry emptiness and it is helpless
thorns in her chest as she cries desperately for a sign, an answer
but there are only echoes
and i can still feel these scars left on me like a stagnant ache in my mind whenever it rains
because you can stitch a wound back together
but it'll never be as good as whole skin
dear thief
how would you answer if i looked into your eyes and asked you why
this curiosity pings me like a flag taunting the wind
but the strength it takes to keep asking these questions is wearing my soul
and i'm tired
thief i am tired and i'm angry
there were consequences but there will never be justice
because the world was not set right
the world will forever be spinning off its axis
because he isn't here
and you know, there are nights i wish the roles were reversed
i would trade your life in a second
but that is all it is
it's wishing
so dear thief
i hope you never find the cool side of the pillow
i hope you find pebbles in your shoes
and i hope you stub your toe on every doorway you ever walk through because that is how it feels every time i wish he was here
it is a vacuum, a gaping void i cannot seem to fill
the only way i can think of is to hug him again
to smell that signature cologne he would wear, that filled his car and latched onto his leather seats
but that scent slowly departed, like a piece of driftwood dropped into the lake, peacefully floating away until merely a memory
but why am i telling you this?
dear thief, are you sorry?
but what should that matter to me
your apology will change nothing
just like hating you will not fill the menacing abyss inside my chest
because while the edges are crumbling
and i'm teetering on the edge waiting to fall in
you are playing solitaire
so dear thief
the damage you did can never be repaired but that's where it ends because it is not about you
i won't let it
because i choose me
i choose him
i choose light
