:/

Chapter 2

"You don't wanna start with her okay she fucking used me"

"Please come back"

I hear people laughing in the background and I keep feeling this pressure on my wrist like someone is holding it, and again people are laughing, not a good laugh tho, like a laugh at me. I wanna run away from this conversation but I can't, I'm stuck I have to keep hearing what he has to say about me
"The way she always would come to me with literally everything that was on her mind was fucking exhausting"

No no no I don't wanna hear this anymore and I try turning my head away from the conversation

"Alex wake up"

What is that voice? It keeps yelling at me like I have anything to do with being stuck like this

"I don't know how to do this without you"

Can that voice shut up please like right now.
I need this to be done, I remember exactly what he said, I don't need a replay in my head

I open my eyes.
He is sitting there
"Ur up"
He looks at me with his eyes full of tears and I finally find out who that fucking voice was.
I try to get my arm loose because I still feel that pressure on that but I see that I am in restrains.

And I look at him

"You were in an accident, don't you remember?"
I shake my head.
"You were, right after Charli told you about what i said about you, you ran away and I tried grabbing you but you told me to fuck of and ran away.
You where gone for a hours and no one knew where you were, I was worried sick about you Alex. I've been beating myself up about this, this is my fault, i triggered your mania and now your here fucking medicated and you can't even be mad at me" it was silent after he stopped talking and I see that he started stimming, his arms and legs are red my the rubbing his nails on it, I know because I was in that exact position a few months back. It's still silent and I feel his eyes on me, I have to say something and I wanna scream at him but I can't and all I can mange to get out of my voice is

"If it was an accident why am I in fucking restrains"
He looks at me with pain screaming from his eyes and he says:
"They saw the cuts on your legs and wrists and read your journal, i told them you weren't gonna kill to yourself but they didn't fucking believe me."

He looks devastated and I don't know how to deal with it, he really really hurt me with his words. But I hate seeing him like this
He looks me in the eyes and I can see everything he is thinking
"This is not your fault"