Growing Pains

Chapter 3: I Don't Want To

You and Peter both had the same shock in your voice as you simultaneously gasped, "Liz?"

"Uhm, Hi.. Michelles here too" MJ waved, rolling her eyes and setting down the plant she held on the tile beneath her. You quickly got up and embraced the two of them.

"Man, I really missed you guys!" you smiled, dropping your arms from around them and grabbing the items that burdened their arms.

Liz chuckled, "Y/N... We've only been gone for like 2 weeks!"

"It felt like an eternity without my girls!" you laughed back, setting down your new plant and coffee pot on the kitchen before grabbing more plates and silverware. "Come, sit! They're totally enough for everyone!"

You let out a giggle before continuing " These boys wouldn't know portion control if it hit them in the face, plus it's Friday... Pasta night!" you giggled, setting places at the table for two new additions.

The noodles flowed freely between your friends as you sunk toward the back of the conversation, eventually finding yourself just listening to the four. The girls spoke about their roommates and syllabus week, Liz commenting on the party scene and MJ commenting on the ignorance of Frat boys in her robotics class. Once again, day disappeared into night as your friends surrounded you and the dread of deja vu collapsed on your shoulders.

The group migrated to the living room next. Ned insisted on finishing the show you had started at the beginning of the summer but almost everybody fell asleep by the time the first episode of the night ended. Peter left his seat and found his way up to his room as you followed his example, now finding yourself in the center of your bed, staring up at your ceiling and preparing for another endless night. A third set of footsteps soon creaked through the hall causing confusion to form on your face. As the door opened and closed in the room beside you, Liz's voice soon filtered through your walls.

A soft giggle sang through the barrier before a quiet, "Hey" followed.

Your eyes widened as you cursed the thin walls that made up your apartment. For the next hour, you found yourself what must be your version of hell.The nauseatingly cute sentiments that left their mouths only dulled when the sound of lips connecting covered them. Each sound wave that invaded your room washed over you like a tidal wave, eventually drowning you in your own sorrow. Desperate for an escape, you quietly snuck out of your room and to the front of your new apartment building, placing you on the front porch of the brick building with your phone in hand.

Despite the late time that stamped the upper right corner of your screen, you texted the only person you could think of. Within seconds, your phone illuminated with the face of Aunt May.

"Y/N? Are you ok?" her tinny voice rang through the small rectangle now glued to the side of your ear. The tears you had held in for the past month instantly began to fall.

"N-no" you sniffled, trying to find your breath again and regain composure.

"Whats wrong my love?" she soothed, prompting you to divulge the events of the past month in excruciating detail, beginning at the pool party, the not-so-secret phone calls over the summer, and ending at the events that took place just minutes earlier. Tears streamed down your face at an alarming rate as you struggled to form coherent sentences.

"I'm so sorry Y/N" she offered before urging you to continue.

"I-I just can't do it anymore Aunt May. The minute my heart heals one wound, three more appear and it's so exhausting," you paused, as your body rattled with exhaustion. "And you know what, it's the little things I can't shake. Like how he grabs her hand when he thinks nobody is looking, or how he knows her coffee order, or how his eyes light up at the sight of her," you sobbed before pausing again in an attempt to gain some control over yourself. "and it hurts to know that there is no happy ending here for me. I tried to be mad at her... I really d-did but she's Liz. She's perfect, kind, beautiful Liz who would break up with him if I even hinted at my feelings and I can't hate her even if I tried. I keep trying to find a best case scenario here but it doesn't exist!" you sniffled, tilting the phone away from your face and wipe the tears from your eyes. Your body shook as you exhaled a sigh, "I am just so tired of it Aunt May. I-I can't physically keep this up."

Your words hung in the air for a moment before Aunt May tried to comfort you. You sat on the phone for hours as she reassured you with her loving words but as the sun began to rise over the horizon, you bid your goodbyes and you snuck back into your room. Quietly shutting your door, you flipped the lock and shut the blinds curling into your bed and allowing your eyes to finally rest. Your body melted into the mattress as each weary limb collapsed beneath you and you fell into a deep sleep.

•••

A sharp knock at your door startled your eyes open and your body awake as adrenaline pumped through your body. Grounding yourself into your surroundings, you relaxed and wrapped your blankets around your body before slowly unlocking the door and opening it.

"Hey Y/N we were all going to- woah... are you ok? Have you been crying?" Concern instantly wrapped Peter's face as his warm, kind eyes met your red, puffy ones.

Your fatigued body mustered up the best smile it could as you reassured him, "No, I'm ok, I'm just really tired Peter so I'm just gonna go back to sleep."

You closed the door and locked it again before he could respond before sinking to the ground. You thanked your body for relinquishing the little bit of strength you had left to put on a brave face in front of Peter and you tried to calm yourself by finding some comfort in your room. As your eyes scanned the space, the dread that bubbled in your stomach grew. Every picture and memento seemed to mock your broken state as they replayed memories of happier times. Beginning at the photos that lined your dresser, you slowly gathered every individual trinket that decorated your room and placed them in your closet, closing it and collapsing on your bed once more. Your phone buzzed relentlessly throughout the day as concerned texts and calls from your friends flooded your lock screen. It wasn't until 2 that your phone died, leaving you in the quiet you so desperately craved.

Your radio silence continued through the week, well after MJ and Liz returned to NYU. With your new sleep schedule adjusted to contrast your roommates, you occasionally slipped out of your room at odd hours of the night to gather enough food to sustain yourself.

This system had been working so you grew more comfortable as you snuck into the kitchen for a fourth night in a row, grabbing some fruit from the bottom drawer of your fridge and returning back to your room. You closed the door, locking it behind you and crawled into your bed, wrapping yourself the blankets before you began to snack on the apple in hand.

A small shriek left your mouth as the light flipped on, revealing Peter with arms crossed and a scowl painted on his face. He plopped down on the floor in front of the door effectively blocking your only exit from the dreadful situation you now faced.

"We need to talk."