I do not know why I want to write the story of us but this urge would not leave me alone. So here it goes.
Correct me if I'm wrong but I was 2 and you were 5 when this story began. Every time I try to recall our lives back then it is so hazy, specially now.
Alcohol has fried my brain, sorry.
I do see flashes, images, sometimes I'm overcome by emotions. Naturally, right?
It's a long story. So much history and so many versions of it in my brain. It's different every time I try to recall it, to the point where I don't know which of these are false memories. I remember you though, through it all. I remember the plastic cricket bat and ball. I remember the birthday parties.
You once told me that I would yell at you for touching my toys, which is funny now because you've touched so much more than that.
I remember your dad. He has such a sweet smile. So did your aunt. So did you, really.
I don't remember you leaving, or why. I've been told a reason or two but I've heard none of them from you so I remain silent. I would like to ask when we talk but I do all the talking, every time. You like that, don't you?
Fast forward to sweet sixteen. Wasn't sweet for too long. You were back, unexpectedly but unsurprisingly. I thought you'd stay forever. Purple was our colour. But I disappeared this time. How could I not? I said "I might love you", you said "are you joking?". Not ideal, but it's funny now.
Reappeared at 19 but you were busy living life and dating a tall beautiful girl with long flown hair, needless to say I didn't compare. Not that you would've have cared, I know that now.
Oh but 21, 21 was our year, or 6 months or less. I don't recall - Alcohol has fried my brain, sorry - wouldn't expect you to either, the drugs took care of that I'm sure.
"What are we?" I ask, "A beautiful thing" you reply and we were finally free to say I love you, I miss you, I really would like to kiss you. If only anything that mattered was that easy. You weren't here, you were 3,645 kilometres away, Google tells me that's 54, 684 minutes of walking. Pretty fucking far if you ask me, but goddamn we tried. I was impatient and you were... distracted? or goal oriented but I wasn't on that list so we crashed and burned.
If only that was the end. It should have been the end. But no. You cam back. They always come back. We were in the same time zone again but I was not the same girl again. I was all about cutting the string loose, maybe I cut too loose.
This time I hurt you. I know I did because boy were you pissed. I could hear your voice yelling out from those angry text messages. I should have cared more, but at that time I didn't care about much - Alcohol had fried my brain, sorry.
Unexpectedly but unsurprisingly we're okay again. Are we friends? We're definitely not lovers. You say "let's meet", I say "love to". You say "talk to me", I say "sure", but we both know there's nothing left of the "beautiful thing" we once were.
Couple of days later we meet for cigarettes. "Where are you?" I ask, "I'm home, by myself". I hesitate but I show up anyway.
We fuck. It lasts what? 5 minutes? Frenzied, impulsive, racked with shame. The illusion shatters, like a pin prick on a condom.
The last time we met, you said "marry me?" and I said "are you joking?".
The End. Finally.
