The Anger Within - Teenage Novel - Psychological Thriller

Drowning In Your Eyes - Chapter One

I enter the cafeteria, everyone's voices heard, talking over each other, laughter and chatter blooming. Many tables were occupied, but there was always that one table, empty, next to a glass window where you could watch the leaves fall as the wind blew through the trees. I've always liked to sat there. I walk to the table, the fringe of my auburn hair slightly tickling my forehead as I sit down at the table, displaying my journal in front of me. 

 I wondered then if I would see Xavier walk in, he was a strange boy, he was serious but well-mannered, his voice was not too deep nor too light, it was well-balanced and his posture was reassured with his sharp jawline, complimented by his black and wavy hair. He was interesting, I smiled at the thought of him, he was unlikely from the boys in this school, well-dressed, not perverted, and his English didn't contain slang.

 Perhaps I'll journal about him, his eyes, his physique, his skin, maybe we'll see each other again. I began to bring out a pen and open my book until I see someone familiar. "Hey, Flora!" The girl beamed, it was my friend, Mable. Her light hazel hair bounce along around her shoulders as her peach skin rose in front of the sunshine. She sat down in front of me, dropping her purse next to her ankles. 

 "Hey, Mable, You had a late start." I said as I continue to write in my journal. She only smiled, brushing the hair away from her face. "Well, I was at Jacob's this morning, it got kind of hasty." She replied as she tucked her hair behind her ears. I only shook my head, she had been with this guy for a while now, I only met him once or twice, she always talked about him, not all the time though, her subjects was balanced between Jacob and Cosmetics, but she wasn't all Glamour and Guys, she was sweet and kind, loyal and she loved Algebra.

 "I hope you had a good time." I laughed with her, our laughter was muffled by the loud voices of the the teenagers talking with their friends. I hadn't noticed that my pen was on the same spot of the page of my journal until I looked down, an ink stain appearing. I only sighed an closed my book, I hadn't wrote much on that page anyway. 

I closed my book and returned it to my bag and when I looked back up I saw Xavier walking in, I slightly smiled but I quickly looked back at my friend who was rambling about the details of how drunk she was last night.

 I only smiled and kept nodding into the conservation, until I saw him walk to our table. Mable turned around to see Xavier looking at me, I waved. "Hey, this is my friend, Mable." I introduced Mable to him. Xavier looked at Mable and shook her hand. "Hey, you new here?" She asked. He nodded and sat next to me. "I met him in the hallways, I forgot to tell you about him." I said, I began to adjust my clothes, let it becoming a habit whenever I was with him. "Well, you're certainly someone to be talked about, are you from around here." Mable asked Xavier. "Oh, no I'm from Wisconsin." He answered. She nodded and checked her phone. "I have to go, I got band practice."  

 I waved as I saw her walk out. "I want to show you something after school." I hear Xavier say. I look towards him, and my lips crack a smile. "Where?" I ask, he grabs something from his bag and gives me a note. "Its my number, I'll call you." He answered. I wondered what he wanted to show me, but I didn't ask anything more. I look down to his clothed arms as he gives me the piece of paper, I couldn't see it much but I saw a little red mark peeking out from his sleeve. I look back at him and smile, I didn't want him thinking I was staring. 

 "I'll be waiting for your call, Xavier." I told him, smiling with me he gently rests his hand on my knee that was hidden by my beige gown. My heart fluttered and I held my breath, my face felt warm, I had hoped I wasn't embarrassing myself in front of him. "Your eyes..." He started, staring into them. The sun was shining, but it wasn't blinding me, it was warm and bright. "They're enticing." He finished, I blinked a few times and smiled, I could feel the coldness of his hand though the fabric of my dress.

 I stood up from my stool, grabbing my bag along side me. He stood along with me. "You're not going to eat?" He asked me as I regained my posture. "Are you?" I mocked with him, I looked ahead of me to start walking. I looked down in my hand as I looked at the note. I wondered where or what I'd be seeing.

~~~~
In hesitance, I stood at my home door. The cracks of the pale wooden door was warn down, it became interesting every now and then whenever I dreaded walking in. I could feel my heart beat inside me, I wasn't very fond of my home, which is why I spend most of my time in my tree house, where there's no father screaming or drinking whenever he couldn't cope with his own loneliness. As the clouds covered the sun, the day became a little pale and as I walked in it had started to shower. My feet stepping in quietly, standing above the carpeted floor, stains could be seen if there were more light in the dirty living room.

 I walked passed my father, drinking a beer with a cigarette in his other hand, watching television, the pictures shown to be a football game. I walked passed him quietly, not wanting to disturb his time. "Did you get my cigarettes?" He asked. I looked down, looking at the box in my left hand. I walked up behind him, he was sitting in a sofa chair, swaying it a little. I handed it to him and he snatched it, putting it in the pocket of his jeans. He didn't say anything more so I took the chance to go to my room upstairs.

 I walked in, shutting the wooden door behind me. I locked it and put my bag down in the corner of my room. I walked up to my desk, the floor below me cracking every now and then. I sat in my wooden chair, I brought up my phone and displayed it on my desk. I wondered when he'd call me. To pass the time I decided to bring my ukulele out for a song I wrote long ago. 

 I grabbed my notebook and flipped it to the correct page, it was my own song that I wrote called, 'The Anger Within.' 

I began stroking my fingers to begin a rhythm, I opened my moth slightly as my fingers we're stringing against the instrument. 

'I tried to love you, your tiredness, your cracked porcelain skin, your marks, I tried to love your body, I tried to understand your thoughts and the self-hate, the way you look at yourself in the mirror with horrid intentions, when you wanted to hurt yourself more than no one ever could, maybe you thought if you could deeply hurt yourself no one would be able the manage the same capacity and sincerity of your intentions, to only hate your failures, your attempts, the way you wrote and erased the things you wanted to say but couldn't, your betrayal in the way I thought you loved me the same way I loved you, when you admired my own flaws the same way I hated them, when I cried so hard that even souls of the forgotten graves could hear my pain echoing through out their dreaded hell, when I only thought I didn't have a voice you amplified my demons to attack my heart ~~~

When you smiled at me when my knees were bruised from pushing themselves into the cemented ground, when your pity turned into anger, when you first admired how pretty you thought I was, only for you to ruin me with your hands and eyes, your perversions and hideous thoughts, you hurt me more than I could hurt myself, more than a wilted rose had hope of re-growing, to be crushed by a dirty shoe, your anger was hurting, your hurting was your anger, I tried to love you, but you tried to hate me~

My stroking began to slow down, my gently closed my lips as I sighed, singing emotion songs like I wrote took a toll on my emotions, but I hadn't mind in what I despite. I put down my ukulele, and that's when my phone rang. I answered it.

"Hey, Flora."