It didn’t hurt; dying, I don’t even know the exact moment it happened. I’d been asleep on the train, next thing I know I’m lying out on the dirt. I still didn’t suss it though, not until I looked behind me and saw that I was sitting on myself. Jumping to my feet I spun around to observe the scene in full.
My body was lying with legs splayed apart. My left leg was bent at a disgusting angle, as was my neck. I stared helplessly down at myself.
“Alright there.” A cheerful, cockney voice beside me said.
I turned around, unsure if he was addressing me; I was dead after all.
“You all right Sweet’art?”
“You can see me?” Now I was confused.
“Course I can.” He laughed.
“Are you alive?”
“Na, I’m brown bread n’all, been this way a while. Mess round ‘ere ain’t it. Shit happens I s’pose.” He said matter of factly, punctuating his statement with a harsh sniff.
Unable to hold back a tut, I looked away from him, hoping he’d be gone by the time I turned back. A little sympathy might have helped. I gazed up at the sombre grey sky, sure it had been blue when I boarded the train.
“No angels coming if that’s what you’re expecting.”
“But, the afterlife?”
“You’re in it, Love.”
“Oh.” I said, feeling more than a little disappointed. ”I’ve always thought there would be something more. I’ve prayed to Jesus often enough, I like to think he’s listening at least some of the time.”
“Oh Jesus is real alright.”
“He is?” My hopes raised.
“Yeah, nice bloke as it goes. None of that stuff about him is true though, water into wine, and resurrecting himself. That was just him and his mates having a crack, made all those stories up they did. After he died they just carried on.”
I rolled my eyes to heaven, where I believed heaven to be anyway, and shook my head. “You expect me to believe that a whole religion has been based on a few jokes?”
“Yeah, funny ain’t it.”
“No, and I don’t believe any joke - even a funny one, could last over 2000 years.”
“I heard it from the man himself, it’s up to you what you believe.” He turned to walk away.
Not wanting to be left standing amongst the wreckage, I followed him. “Wait, I’m sorry, it’s all just a bit of a shock to me that’s all.”
“No worries, want to get out of here?”
“Definitely.”
We walked on; I stepped over bodies, he walked through them.
“You don’t have to dodge them you know.”
“Just seems disrespectful.”
“Na, don’t matter. You can have fun with the live ones though, watch.”
He jogged over to a member of the public who had arrived at the scene. He walked right through her, turned and came back. The woman quivered and stepped one pace to the side. He did it again, this time putting his face through her head and stuck his tongue out.
“Leave her alone, it’s not funny.”
“Yeah it is, they don’t all shiver like this. She must be well tuned in.”
Again the woman shuddered, looked around her immediate space and walked away.
“So, are all the ghosts of all the people who’ve ever lived, here?”
“Not quite.”
“So there is somewhere else to go?”
“Not exactly. Ghosts are just energy, and energy gets used up.”
“How?”
“You’ll be around as long as people still talk about you, that’s what keeps you going.”
“I don’t get it.”
“Well, look at me I’m as solid looking as you. I’ve only been gone a year, my family, friends, still remember me, talk and think about me so all that energy keeps me going.”
“What happens when it stops?”
“We just fade away, it won’t happen overnight but we’ll just get weaker and weaker until you can’t see us anymore, then pfft. Look around, you can see the difference in us all.”
I looked across the park where we sat, he was right. There were figures of varying depth, some were no more dense than mist.
“What’s it like, being here I mean?”
He shrugged his shoulders, “Like being alive I guess, ‘cept you don’t have to go to work. I still do though sometimes, drop by and see what’s going on, see who the lads are slagging off this week. I see my family too, you’ll find that hard.” He warned, “But it gets easier. Horrible seeing them upset, mourning the loss of you and all that. But it’s good to see them happy again, even though part of you will think they should still be crying. Weird feeling. Want to pay yours a visit?”
I looked at him and thought for a moment, “Not sure I do, not yet anyway. I couldn’t bare to see their reaction, I don’t really know what I should do.”
“You’re welcome to knock around with me if you want.”
“Thanks.” I said, and I meant it.
“I’ll show you around, show you what I get up to. Teach you to see the lighter side of death.” He laughed.
“I’m glad to hear there is one.” I said, forcing a laugh.
We walked on, through the streets that were familiar to both of us. I felt the same as I had the last time I walked down this road just a few days ago, yet somehow, I felt so much more alive.
