A Flame Inside Me

Chapter 6

 I usually have a plan for everything, usually know what to do and say. Not in this case though. Zach left me at the park to walk home, and although with most people - even with Maggie - I would be mad at them. Quite honestly, I kind of am, but not nearly as much as I should be.

It's my fault, I realize that. I should've told him how I feel. Problem is, I don't quite understand this feeling. I've never felt it before, I don't know what to do with it. But, if I'm being completely honest with myself it's pretty obvious I'm in love with him. All thanks to that assignment.

That assignment that I turned in yesterday, Sunday, after typing out ten pages worth of facts about Zach.

I sit at lunch, Maggie and Chloe leaving me completely alone due to some assignment. I think it was for extra credit despite Maggie already having one-hundred-and-ten percent in every class. Zach's been avoiding me all day, I can't blame him.

Just thinking about him makes butterflies float in my stomach, it's a strange feeling but strangely enough I love it. I don't know how to describe the feeling of seeing him, it's like a flame lights up inside me. Makes me feel things I've never felt before, never felt possible.

I want to see him. Now. But he probably doesn't want to see me, and I don't even know where he is. He was in class, but he never said a word to me. When I tried making eye contact with him, he would quickly look in the opposite direction as he fidgeted with his thumbs.

That's it. I need to see him. I get up, throwing my barely-touched food in the trash as I leave the cafeteria. He's not here, I know that. Maybe he's in class? I checked a multitude of different classrooms I felt he could possibly be in. Nowhere to be seen.

Could he be in the bathroom? I put my hand to my chin, just outside the bathroom, contemplating whether or not it would be stalkerish to go in. It would be.

Oh well, I think to myself as I shrug. I walk in, looking around. I don't see him, guess he isn't in he-

A shoe squeaks as someone lets out a choked cry, clearly unable to hold it back anymore. I look over to where the noise was coming from, the biggest stall in the corner. Peeking under, I see the dirty black shoes I have come to love.

I get down on my knees, touching the disgusting floor that I would usually not even want to walk on. Softly, I knock on the stalls door. It's silent for a moment before a sob spills out again. "Hey, hey it's okay. What's wrong?" I ask, in an attempt to comfort him.

No reply.

"Can you let me in?"

No reply.

"Please, Zach. I just want to help."

Nothing.

Reluctantly, I get up. Deciding it best to leave him alone, he clearly doesn't want to see me. I stand up, starting to walk away as the door unlocks and pushes slightly open. Zach sits on the ground, hugging his knees as he buries his head in. His back is still and rigid as I get down close to him, draping my arm over his. I'm not good at all this touchy-feely stuff, but I hope it helps. At least a little bit.

"You don't have to be here."

"I want to be here," I say, simply.

"Why would you?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

He doesn't reply. I can tell he's holding back his tears. From my spot, I pull the door close as I lock it from the ground. Then, I rub his back slowly. "It's okay, don't hold back just because I'm here." Am I comforting him well? I can't tell.

He lets it out, sobbing into his already-soaked sweat pants. Slowly, I pull him close to me as he lets go of his knees and clings onto me, hiding his head in the side of my chest. "I'm sorry," His muffled voice cries out.

"You didn't do anything you big dummy, just calm down. I'm right here, and I'm not leaving till you relax." The bell rings, which means I'll be late to class. Usually, I get mad when I'm less than a minute early. Now, I couldn't care less. Just let him be okay.

"Yes I did. I confessed to you and you don't feel the same way. You probably want nothing to do with me now."

"Oh, don't be an idiot! I'm right here, aren't I?"

"I don't know. Maybe I'm imagining this. If I am, then I don't want to stop." He says with a sad voice, still clinging onto me. The tears have mostly stopped now, the side of my shirt now soaked.

I kiss the top of his head, not even realizing I did so until he looks up at me. His eyes are red, bags reside underneath that are darker than they were Saturday. I don't say anything, too nervous to do so.

Zach sits up as he moves on top of me, wrapping his arms around my neck and his legs to my waist. He touches his forehead to mine, our noses now touching. Heat spills onto my face, now feeling like a fire. "Do you like me?" I hear him whisper, his lips inches from mine. I feel the urge to kiss him, but force myself to hold back.

Do I say yes? No? Maybe? I don't know! Fuck, Maggie would know what to do in this moment. She always knows what to do with this stuff. I stare at him, my mouth slightly ajar. Slowly, I nod as fear - something I've never felt before - fills my entire being.

Still touching my forehead to his, he looks down at my lips. Contemplating whether to kiss them or not. Just do it already you big moron! Impatiently, I grab the back of his head as I pull him into me. We collide with one another, his arms and legs still wrapped around me as I pull at his hair, groping his back. Sweat that I didn't realize had formed beads down my forehead as a light blush remains on both our faces.

After a few minutes we reluctantly separate, feeling the need to catch our breaths. Zach collapses on top of me, his head laying on my legs as he wraps his arms around me, his chest heaving with his eyes closed. His hair now an even bigger mess.

"This better not be my imagination," He mumbles, just loud enough for me to hear.

My voice goes husk as I quietly laugh. "Nope, it's real. Need me to prove it?" I whisper back.

He nods, eyes still closed.

I pinch him, causing him to yelp. "You didn't have to do that!" He yells, sitting up straight as he looks at me with his brows furrowed down.

Not long after though, we both laugh as Zach falls back onto my chest. He grabs my shirt with his hands as he yet again closes his eyes, quickly falling asleep.

I watch his chest dip in and out, breathing peacefully as his mouth hangs slightly open. The slightest amount of drool drips out. I stroke his hair - like a professional, may I add - and notice how soft and fluffy it is. I've never been a fan of 'soft' things. Dogs, cats, big blankets, even soapstone which is considered the softest thing ever. But, Zach's hair is different. I like the feeling. No, love. I love the feeling.

I entwine my fingers in his hair, loving the feeling of it. I scratch and rub his shaggy mane as I listen to his whimpers and purrs. Guess he was right when he said he's similar to a cat. My other arm wraps around his waist, holding him close to me as he sleeps soundly.

My eyes droop downward as I lean onto him, everything going black as I hold him close to me.