Expiration Date

Expiration Marked

6.1.21

Deadlines occupy my life more than I wish to believe. The hardest one yet was the one placed on my first love. College is supposed to be something you are excited for, but all i feel right now is bittersweet memories and trouble letting go. I know i'll be okay, people survive this on the daily. How do I let go to the person I've fallen so hard for? How do you cope with a pain so deep in your heart you can't conceptualize the feeling. He told me he doesn't think our relationship would work long distance, but he says he loves me.

I told myself from the start to not fall so hard for something you new would end. To suffer in silence is what i'm heading for. I know not every relationship is meant to be forever, it's meant to be there for your moments in time but it's okay to move pass them. He will forever have left his mark on my heart, his fingers on my cheek, his lips around mine. I won't forget his soft touch and loving hugs or the way his hands feel as they wrap around my waist. We talked and agreed on the end, but now for the time I have left i'm to push through the tears and think of all the things i'll miss.

When will the last time be that I crawl into his bed? When will I miss him for the last time? When will I stop caressing his cheek as he sleeps? All these lasts I don't know are lasts. I want him to stay, my body can't feel the pain that him leaving creates. Or am I leaving? I have no one to hold me as I cry, do I hold myself? I try to ignore the future and stay in the present. Squeezing my I love yous into every sentence because when will it be my last? How do I go from the comfort of his goodnight texts and good mornings to speaking to no one? I feel like a child relearning how to live independently without the support of the one you love.

It hurts more that words can say. I've lost so much and now he's gone. So how do you cope with an expiration date set on your love? It doesn't just end, it doesn't just stop.

Explain to me..help me