I signed and let go a genuine smile to my manager that was watching my reactions from the vanity mirror that I was facing. I want to assure her that I was alright. She just rolled her eyes that made me laugh a little. She really knew me a lot.
"Just trust me this time, Nics." I smile and stand up to hug her. She nodded and hug me back.
"Miss Kianna, ready na po lahat." Said one of the staffs. She smiled at me and I return it a smile. "You have ten minutes before it starts, so you can still prepare."
I nodded and say 'thank you' to her. I felt my hands trembling so I hold it before I walk on the interview stage.
Flashes of cameras are all over my sight. I'm here for an interview about my latest issue. And I want to clear it to the media.
I smiled at the cameras and sit at the chair. They started to also sit on their perspective chairs. I cleared my throat first. Binati ko sila at nagpasalamat sa pagpunta nila ngayong araw. Nakasanayan ko ng gawin lahat ng ito sa tuwing kaharap ko ang mga staffs at reporters. If not because of them, I would just quit in this industry.
A long silence filled the four corners of the auditorium. It wasn't awkward tho, just a peaceful silence.
My manager that was right beside me cleared her throat that become the sign for them to start. I smiled and nodded.
"So what does you feel right now, Miss Kianna?"
"I'm trembling," then I showed them my hands causing them to laugh.
"What can you say about the photos that are now in the internet, about you and Austin a International Model?"
"Uhm, the photos are true. I think it was taken when the both of us where in a park." I said as a matter-of-fact tone.
"Is it true that the both of you have 'something'?"
That's it, I know that it was the right thing to do so I should just continue. I think I'll be okay after this.
"Me and Austin? I used to have a feeling. It was just a one-sided tho." I force a smile before I continue. "And it was a great chase for me."
"You know when you feel like there was no one beside you? I felt it when my sister and cousin was both in the hospital, because of boys. Comatose noon si ate pagkatapos siyang makabangga ng poste, she was drunk that time because her ex boyfriend broke up with her. 'Yung pinsan ko? She tried suicide, because her ex boyfriend left her, too. I was having an anxiety that time when I remember what happen years ago, when my parents broke with each other. It traumatized me because I remember how my mom pleased my dad to just stay with her before," pause. "...before mom died."
"I'm at my lowest that time, having so many thoughts in my head. Kase baka mawala din sa akin si ate o baka mawala din sa amin ang pinsan ko. I cried and cried until my cousin woke up, she told me that if I was on her foot I'll be miserable like her, too. I hug her and wished that I wouldn't do the same." I chuckled.
"Then after a week, my sister woke, too. Nakahinga na ako ng maluwag noon, The burden in my chest loosen up, she immediately hug me and say sorry. I told her that no one's at fault, because they just love. After that day, my sister and cousin became much better as a person. They now find their selves and worth, I'm so happy that they just see it from me because they think that I'm such a brave person and single. Well I am single but not as brave as them." I smiled.
"Austin? He came in the picture when my sister open her fifth branch of restaurant. He was so attractive and typical me? I asked his name, follow him in Instagram, and bother him through chats. I have been like that for almost three months, being like that was great, really."
"Then, I think that the three months of chasing him was already too much. I just realized that I'm being desperate that time, so I stop. I have this 'three months rule', I wouldn't break that rule for no assurance."
"But, the wrong thing with me is I don't like people chasing me, kase gusto ko ako hahabol. I want to be the one who makes an effort at first, I want to be one who will bother you for three months, at kapag ni-return na yung feelings sa akin without three months, bahala ka diyan."
"Yes, that was my toxic traits." I smiled at them.
"About the picture? He told me to come at that place and I just agreed because I consider him as a friend already after that three months. We talked and I made things clear, because right before going there I know 'yun ang sasabihin niya. His jaw tightened and told me that I'm being too much. And my tears formed, hindi dahil nasasaktan ako. So he hugged me and I just hug him tighter while repeatedly saying thank you. Kase that was the word that I have been waiting for. For a real man telling me that I'm too much, I'm just waiting for that one man. Austin wasn't like the other boys because he's a man. Because boys was just playing cool with our mistakes while men teaches us how to correct our mistakes, there is always a difference between a boy and a man, so in order for the both of you to grow you should settle with a man."
"Me and Austins are best of friends right now. I'm cool with it and thankful for him that he made me realize that: Maybe, I'm too much."
