Real or Not Real?

Day Six

You didn't sleep much that night, and everytime you did, you dreamt of Bucky. The dreams varied, from you admitting your feelings, to him admitting his, to losing him as a friend. Waking up alone in the empty bed didn't help, and you just wanted to cover yourself with the blanket and stay there until things got fixed. Bucky got around two hours of sleep, the floor was not comfortable and he couldn't shut his mind off. There were so many times throughout the night you wanted to tell him to join you but you couldn't bring yourself to do it.

Bucky was in the shower when you woke up. When he came out of the bathroom, he avoided eye contact while you both got ready. At some point you'd have to talk about what to say to Steve and Nat, and if Bucky even wanted to stay friends with you. Everything felt wrong, none of this was supposed to happen. It was supposed to be a fun week with your friends in New York while pretending to date Bucky. Now you're not sure where you stand with him.

"What are we telling them?" Bucky asked as he lingered by the door. It was the first time he said anything since yesterday at the cafe.

"That we were better off as friends." If we're even friends now.

He nodded and opened the door. You started to reach for his hand out of habit before you remembered. When you guys got down to the lobby, Nat and Steve could tell something was up immediately. You and Bucky were standing far apart, both of you making an effort not to look at each other. The sadness was written all over your faces, there was no hiding it.

"Hey, is everything okay?" Steve asked.

"We actually broke up last night. Decided we were better as friends," you said with a shrug, trying to make it seem like it was no big deal.

"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that," Nat frowned.

"It's not a big deal. Can we go now?" Bucky asked.

Nat looked at you but you quickly looked away and started walking outside. The plan for today was to go to the zoo, and up until yesterday you and Bucky were both really excited. Now the only thing you wanted was to be back in your apartment to wallow in your own pity. Could you really be that upset about it if you caused it? Bucky was right, none of it was supposed to be real. But you had to go and mess it up.

Steve purposely walked in between you and Bucky. It was an uncomfortably silent walk to the subway, no one knew what to talk about. You thought you and Bucky could be civil about this, but you guess you were wrong. Trying to pretend that nothing was going on and trying to go back to normal was too hard right now, and you both felt bad for Steve and Nat. Their trip shouldn't be ruined because of it, but at least tomorrow everyone would going back home.

"Did you guys used to come here a lot?" Nat asked Steve and Bucky while everyone walked inside.

"It was hard for me to walk around with my asthma, so I only went a handful of times," Steve answered.

"I would go at least once every summer, but I preferred the aquarium."

The zoo was packed. Little kids were running around unsupervised, the smell was overwhelming, and it was starting to get hotter every minute. Lions were the first exhibit, and it was hard to see the animals because of the crowds. Everyone was starting to regret coming even though it's only been ten minutes. Next were the giraffes. There were a group of kids pushing their way to the front to feed them, one of them knocking you right into Bucky.

"Sorry," you apologized.

"It's alright, it wasn't your fault."

It took you a second to move away from him. He didn't want you to, he wanted to hold you close and not let you go. He cursed his past self for what happened yesterday with the barista and for making you hate him now. Nat noticed the interaction and pulled you over to the side.