heaven is you, joshua bassett

my parents told me.

"My parents told me when our time on Earth is up, that there's a place that we would go if we were good"

Love is NOT real...

If love was real, then why did my dad ruin 19 years of my life telling me that I can't be gay under his roof. I waited until now, when I had a backup plan ready, before coming out to him. He said he doesn't want a son who "chooses sin" in his household. I knew it wouldn't go over well, but I still had some hope that he had changed since my mom died. I was wrong. 

While being kicked out is upsetting, I took it as a chance to start over. I've spent 19 full years pretending to be someone I'm not to please everyone else. I decided that it is finally time to be me, regardless of how corny that sounds.

I want a boyfriend. I've always wanted a boyfriend, but, I'm finally free to actually get one. I think I need to work through a lot of my own negativity before I can put my personal problems onto someone else.

See, in gay movies they always make coming out look fun and easy. They never tell the real stories that involve being left alone with no one but yourself to take care of you. Although my story might seem sad, I still have it better than some lgbtq people. I have internet friends who tell me stories about not even being able to watch "gay shows" in front of their parents. My best friends offered to let me crash at their apartment in Manhattan until I can afford my own place somewhere. A lot of lgbtq youth end up on the streets, so I'm extremely grateful for my friends now. 

Moving will be great for me. I'll be surrounded by cute and confident gay boys instead of the closeted homophobes in my hometown. New York is like the hub of gays. I hate to admit it but I love sticking to my routine and being single is a part of that. Who knows, if I find the right guy, maybe I'll give it a shot.