I'm shit at beginnings.
Okay, here goes nothing.
My name is Atlas, I'm turning sixteen next week and this is my first entry. It'd be logical to begin this on the day I turn sixteen, but I know I'll forget if I don't write something in here now.
I'm an incredibly forgetful person. Somehow I still manage to be anxious about things that happened years ago, though, which is incredibly inconvenient. For example, there's no way in hell I'll remember what I ate this morning but I can't get my mind off the exact indigo of the ukulele I used to own that might be mistaken for a lilac or light blue unless you've stared at it as long as I have.
I used to love playing it, writing mediocre songs that I'd get stuck in my own head. I don't anymore. I guess I've just lost the motivation, and instead I sometimes recall a random lyric but that's about it.
He told me to note down the things I do to help establish some sort of permanence in my actions, rather than letting it dissolve into the wish-wash of Before. That's what the past is. In my mind there's only Before, Now and Later.
Before means anything that has (or may have) already happened. I like to think of it as a puzzle. The box is full of pieces, but you don't know where each piece comes in. Some are corner pieces so you have a general idea of where around they'd come into play, and others are different sizes and probably come from another puzzle altogether.
Now is self explanatory, as for Later, that's the general uneasiness I get in my stomach thinking about what's About to Happen. I don't think about this too much, because eventually it becomes the Now then gets lost in the ever jumbled Before, and it's no longer in my hands.
Right, I got sidetracked.
Today, 7:34 am, I woke up and drank coffee.
8:21 am, I started reading a book, then changed my mind and went back to sleep instead.
10:59 am, woke up again and am currently writing this entry.
God, isn't it boring? I like my Before system, it doesn't require much thinking on my part. I think I'll stick to describing the Now.
-Atlas
YOU ARE READING
The Way I Want To Go
PertualanganA diary. An atlas. A missed opportunity. Ivis used to always notice the boy somewhere in the distance. That is, until he finds himself slowly becoming more involved in his life. Did they meet at just the right time or a couple moments too late?
