𝐇𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲 |𝟏𝟖+

20 || Touch

Edited: 06.29.2022

Song: Blackbear - idfc (small snippet slowed)

𝔚𝔚𝔚
Alessio

I've done many horrible things in my life.

Things that to the regular everyday person, would be immoral, illegal, unethical. And my actions would deem me a monster, inhumaine, cruel.

But it was business.

Mistakes were overbrushed, dealt with and moved on. Feelings were never considered. There was no room for regrets or apologies and there was never any compassion or affection.

I never thought of myself as a person who enjoyed touch.

I simply hated to be touched.

I didn't like people around me. The only time I would consider touching was sex. But the touches were never soft, they were harsh, never filled with any affection or compassion, just skin slapping skin that got me what I wanted.

A release.

But innocent touches without a clear purpose? Or if there was a purpose, it was for something deeper - below the surface. Something tender and soft. Not sexually driven, but ones out of pure endearment and warmth.

Those were never even considered in my lifetime.

My parents were never affectionate. I never had a girlfriend nor wanted one. The farthest I got was love for my Famiglia. But even then that love had its limits, of course the loyalty was limitless, I would die for what I built and the people that have built it with me. But love? True sentiment and feelings?

I never went that far. 

But it fucking terrified me how fast I found comfort in something like that. Something so dependent. Something so out of my control.

Something like her.

The innocent touches had grown on me. I didn't shy away from them, nor did I want them to stop. The why was unexplainable, but the evidence was clear as shit, I- Alessio Galanti liked sharing innocent touches. There was nothing wrong with that part, the part that was questionably moral was the Who I was sharing those innocent touches with.

It was fucked up, for so many reasons.

She was the last person I was to be touching.

But somewhere in my mind I had deemed it acceptable because those touches didn't mean anything. They were innocent and mutually beneficial.

At least that's what I told myself.

She needed affection, I was merely an easily accessible able body.

Only she had to go and ruin everything.

I felt like shit.

The second I calmed myself down in that bed and snapped back into reality, I wanted to rip all my teeth out.

How could I have been so fucking stupid?