One Shot - Undone

One Shot #1 - Undone

inspired by recent events.
featured song: Every First Second by Up Dharma Down

A nagging feeling made me turn my head towards the entrance and I saw her walk in the room in her blue dress. She stood out among the guests piling in at the doors. Her hair in its usual mess; her dark-rimmed glasses covered her pretty face; she smiled as she kissed the cheek of the first person to greet her, my cousin, Justin. I felt a sharp pang in my chest. I wanted to be the first to greet her but I was across the hall and getting damn spuds.

She dropped her gift at the registry and walked ever so poised towards the tables at the other side of the hall. She greeted her friend with a wave, and I noticed a tall guy was sitting at their table. The guy stood and kissed her cheek. He gave her a hug, and they held on a little longer for comfort. A frown crossed my forehead. Who is that? 

I walked towards their table then turned back around. I hesitated. Why would I walk to their table? I have no business being there. We're not friends. She's not friends with me. She's ... I found myself already halfway through the hall. I had walked towards her while I was lost in debate with myself. I turned right back around and noticed Justin waving to me. Boxes of whisky were needed to be carried to that part of the hall – where her table was, where my table was too. 

I picked up one box and looked back at her direction; I saw her look my way. I knew she looked my way. I caught her surprised expression when she saw that I saw her looking. She turned away and went on talking with Tall Guy. She looked at him and he looked at her. They laughed. It was real laughter not the ones out of courtesy. I frowned at how they were so comfortable talking, too comfortable. I felt the same pang again. What the hell is this pang, why is it heart wrenching? 

I walked towards the right side of her table. I wasn't sure how I could get to our table without having to pass by her, she sat right smack in the center, and there isn't a chance I can avoid her. I hesitated and walked along the left side. My gaze concentrated on my phone. I felt her eyes follow me down 6 chairs and I heard her say, "Hey.", just as I was nearing her seat.

"Hi." I let out. My lips couldn't control themselves. I smiled. I smiled a really big smile.

She stood for a cheek to cheek. I felt self-conscious and I didn't know if I should go left or right. When did this awkwardness begin?

She smiled at me and I smiled back. I didn't know if I should walk on with the box of whisky or I should drop the box and just take her with me. I didn't know what was happening. My heart was racing. 

She went back in conversation with Tall Guy. I went to our table, set the box down on the floor, sat on one of the seats and sighed. I turned my head ever so carefully to catch a glimpse of the back of her head. She was laughing again. What was so funny? Is the guy such a comic? 

They hours went on. I couldn't drink properly. I had my drink in hand far longer than usual. I wanted to go to her and ask her to drink with me. I wanted to sit with her so we could talk just like last time. I wanted her to sit here at my table with me. I wanted her with me.

With me? 

I fixed myself just as I saw her approach our table.

"Hey, cheers?" She asked me.

I smiled at her. I clink her glass and immediately downed my drink. I wander my gaze towards the walls, the windows. Just not at her. I refuse to chat with her. This shooting pain inside of me refuses to talk to her.

She stood there and made small talk with the rest of the guys. I sat there and pretended to be on the phone. After another shot, she went back to her table; back to talking with Tall Guy. But these eyes just keep straying. They keep finding her, drifting to where she is. Ugh!

Twice she came to my table. Twice she asked for a toast with me.  Ten times I tried to walk up to her. Ten times I wavered.

The party ended. There were a handful of us left. The alcohol was kicking in. A boost of confidence was building within me. 

"Let's stay longer." I proposed. "Get a table downstairs and drink the night away. Do you have to be someplace else?" The last question I finally asked at her. 

She shook her head and smiled. That smile. 

I got unsettled. Oh, that smile. It trips me up. It draws me in. It confuses me. It makes me want to ask. It makes me want more. It makes me want her to let me in.

"Are we staying?" She finally asked.

"Ugh... I..." Then I was interrupted.

"Let's go, the hall is closing." Someone said aloud. Then everyone prepared to leave. She stood and fixed her dress. She whispered something to her friend then she turned her head at me. She nodded my way and smiled. She tilted her head a bit then turned around.

I watched her as she picked up her bag from the chair next to her.

I watched her walk away from the table. 

I watched her walk towards the entrance. 

I watched her walk away.

From me.

Again.