i've met you before | klaine

a boy named...matthew?

The first day of my junior year, I felt more miserable than I ever had in my entire life. I felt like I was missing out on a crucial part of my teenage years. Sex and drinking and parties and every stupid decision you're supposed to get out of the way when you're young. I'm the only person I know who's never been a relationship, besides Mercedes. At least I had Mercedes.

Sometimes, I wonder if it would be okay if I never found anyone. Maybe she wouldn't either, and she and I could live together until we're old and raise little kids and have fabulous parties without ever having to worry about falling in love. Mercedes is the one person at this school who makes me feel truly safe. I love her more than anything. She never assumed I was gay until I told her, and seeing as she's the first person I told, she already holds a special place in my heart. But she just makes me feel special. Seen. I feel powerful around her. I don't tell her enough, but God, I love her so much.

With Mercedes being the only exception, I hate everyone and everything at Mckinely High School. I hate the way Santana ignores me in the halls like we haven't known each other for eleven years. I hate the way all the teachers treat me, like I'm some sort of delicate flower or a zoo animal up for examination. I hate the fact that nobody, and i mean nobody, understands what I'm going through.

There are times that I catch a glimpse of something that makes me think someone might. Like the way Santana looked at Brittany when she found out she bought her movie tickets. Or the way Mike and Matt's hands dangle dangerously close together when they walk down the halls. Or the way Rachel looks at Quinn when she's not looking at Finn.

I'm not delusional. I know there are probably plenty of closet cases at Mckinely, and I'm just so lucky to have been blessed with the effeminate nature that I possess and a voice box that is still desperately clinging to my tonsils. But none of these people will probably come out for years. Or ever. And until then, I'm alone.

There are some days that I sit in bed late at night wondering who would be at my bedside in the hospital if I were on the brink of death. My dad, definitely. Mercedes, Finn, maybe even Rachel. Then I think about how many more would turn up to my funeral. Probably the whole damn state.

Sometimes I think about how much money Dad would save if I weren't here. All the clothes and college fees and food and electricity, he'd probably be a shit ton richer. $60,225 richer, if we're gonna be nitpicky.

So yeah, I'm not a particularly happy person. You would think I would be, what with all the amazing friends I have in glee club and the amazing mother I just got now that Carole is with my dad and what an amazing brother Finn has been. But I'm not. Because my glee friends aren't actually all that amazing. They ignore me. They're uncomfortable around me. And Carole is great, but having her around just makes me miss mom even more. And Finn is awesome, but I know he's not as comfortable around me as he'd like me to think.

It's just lonely.

"Why don't you go make yourself useful and visit the Garglers?" Puck suggests.

"The warblers" I correct. He makes some offhanded comment about how gay the school is or something, and how if I wear a feather boa I'd fit right in. They all laugh. Artie, Mike, even Finn, for god's sake. Of course they laugh.

"Fine." I say. They have the nerve to look surprised, and I catch them exchanging looks before I storm out. I'm just so sick of it. They pretend to have my back, and then go and make fun of me to my face. And my own brother.

Step-brother.

Dalton Academy is three hours away from Mckinely. I blast sad music the whole way. Whitney Houston, Elton John, Sussanne Vega, and everything in between. I know it's dangerous to cry while driving, especially since I've only had my license a few months, but I can't help it. Sometimes you just need a good cry.

I turn into the Dalton parking lot and walk inside. As soon as I step foot in there, I feel a wave of calm wash over me. Everything here looks so perfect. Everyone is dressed the same, and they all look so happy.

A large daunting staircase is in my path, so I slowly walk down it amongst all the students, being sure to pull my coat tighter so it looks as much like one of their uniforms as possible. A boy brushes past my shoulder and immediately places his hand on my shoulder briefly and apologetically. I decide then that he seems nice and call out to him.

"Um, excuse me?"

He turns around with the biggest smile on his face and I immediately want to melt because he's the cutest boy I've ever seen. I shut my brain up and ask him what's going on.

"The warblers!" he responds. "Every now and then they put on an impromptu performance and it kind of shuts the whole school down for a while" I cock my head.

"The glee club here is kind of...cool?" I ask, sounding like a total idiot.

He beams. "The warblers are like rockstars."

I raise my eyebrows. He grabs my hand and offers to lead me there and three possible scenarios run through my head as we run down the hall.

He is gay and trying to woo me

He is straight and just really friendly and doesn't realize I'm gay

He is a psychopath and is leading me to my slow death

I'm willing to bet that he knew I was gay within six seconds of me opening my mouth, which rules out the second option and leaves one and three. Or maybe he's gay and just really friendly, and not trying to woo me at all. Or MAYBE HE'S GAY AND A PSYCHOPATH AND LEADING ME TO MY-

My thoughts are cut off by us stopping in front of what looks like a performance area. My heart sinks as he releases his hand from mine and goes to the front of the formation. They start singing an acapella rendition of Teenage Dream.

All I can focus on is how dreamy this kid is. I think while I was lost in his eyes he told me his name, but I can't remember it now. Maybe Mark. Or maybe it was Matthew. Yes. Definitely Matthew.

Throughout the performance, Matthew keeps smiling at me with his dreamy eyes and the rest of his friends look like they're having a ball. I love it here.

By the end of the performance, while everyone is clapping, I realize I'm smiling.

I haven't smiled in a really long time.