Enchanted Ink

The Sweet Smell of Cigarettes, Leather, and Parchment

The sun rose to signal a new day, but Harry's eyes remained open, just like they did when he locked himself in his room the previous day, just like they did all night. No matter how much he longed to close them and for sleep to overcome him, Harry couldn't, not with an indescribable pain in his heart, which many would think was better than the persistent pain in his head he spent 17 years waking up with, but it wasn't. Harry would choose the pain in his head, specifically from his scar, over the sinking feeling in his chest any day. He knew how to manage the pain from his scar, he knew how to push past it and act as though it wasn't there, but this new pain was different. Perhaps it was the newness that made it difficult to swallow and push down, perhaps it was the different kind of pain that Harry still had to figure out, regardless, Harry would rather deal with his scar hurting than his chest.

As he slowly blinked his tired and tear filled eyes, the tightness in his throat from the night before remained, much to his dismay. Groaning, he tossed his blankets aside before rising, fumbling around for his glasses before slowly making his way out of the room and down the stairs. With a hand rubbing his eyes, Harry stumbled into the kitchen and sighed. As much as he loved his Uncles, he hoped to be alone this morning to avoid their questions.

He fixed himself breakfast and quietly ate with his head down in hopes of delaying the conversation he knew would unfold the moment his green eyes met the grey or brown ones. Unfortunately, Harry could feel the intense stare from across the table and despite flicking his head up for half a second, the grey eyes noticed. If only it were the brown ones.

"Harry, are you alright? You look—" Uncle Padfoot began until Uncle Moony presumably kicked him underneath the table. Uncle Padfoot's grey eyes snapped to his husband's brown ones as he spoke the next words. "Not good. Was only gonna say 'not good', love."

Uncle Moony rolled his eyes, but Harry was too busy bringing his hands to his face to pay attention to the married couple after that. As he felt more tears stinging his eyes, Harry wanted nothing more than to lock himself in his room and never come out. He didn't want his uncles to see his tears, he didn't know if he could handle a conversation about them. He just wanted to be alone.

"Fuck," Uncle Padfoot muttered as he quickly rose from the table to run around to Harry's side. Despite Harry's protests, the moment his uncle wrapped his arms around him, Harry sighed and cried even louder into Uncle Padfoot's chest. His loud cries didn't seem to drown out Uncle Moony, who had risen as well and began to fill the kettle to make tea. "It's okay, let it out."

Uncle Padfoot's voice was gentle and immediately brought Harry back to his childhood. Any time he fell down and scraped himself, Harry always ran to Uncle Padfoot, whose soft words always soothed him, while Uncle Moony made tea. Even at nearly 18 years old, nothing was better than hugs and kind words from Uncle Padfoot, and tea and chocolate from Uncle Moony.

It wasn't until Uncle Moony returned to the table when the cries had finally calmed down, leaving Harry shaking in his uncle's arms.

"You're okay. You're safe." Uncle Padfoot whispered before pressing a kiss to the top of Harry's head. Harry nodded into the man's chest, trying to regulate his breathing. He took a deep breath before attempting to match Uncle Padfoot's heartbeat and it wasn't until he was almost there when Uncle Padfoot softly spoke again. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Harry debated on shaking his head, he knew his Godfathers would never pry if he didn't want to share, but Uncle Moony's words filled his brain. 'You can't bottle everything up, it's not your job to bear the weight of the world on your shoulders and handle things alone.' So rather than pushing his feelings down, not that he could do such a thing like he used to anymore, Harry nodded as he pulled away from the safety of his uncle's arms.