When i wake up i feel nauseous and overheated, i blink and get adjusted to the sun light while i sit up noticing im still in yesterdays clothes. I get up and walk towards the bathroom door not bothering to knock cause dylan and stella sleep till late afternoon working from home, while i wake up at 6 every Saturday to work part time at the library, bums. I cut on the bathroom light and look at myself in the mirror while blinking the leftover sleep, my dirty blond hair greased over with grime from the past two days, trailing my eyes down my face, past my red and irritated dark brown eyes and dusted tanned cheeks from being in the sun and to the different areas that pimples and cuts lay "Damn chase, you've let yourself go." I mutter while taking off my shirt and stretching with a slightly painful pop, i check my chest and back for bruises or unwanted marks, a sharp pain shoots up my side causing me to grip the sink and side with a groan "shit." I say to myself waiting for the ache to subside and after a minute, it does, i stand up and kick off my jeans carefully trying not to make lots of movement. Stepping in the small shower careful to not touch the walls, never knowing where dylan fucked stella, ugh i hate thinking about the time on the wall, or that one time on the front door of my parents house, or hell even the time in the trucks trunk while it was driving on a highway. I lather my hands in shampoo and run the fruity smelling liquid through my roots using my nails, i wonder what autumns doing right now, still asleep? Or..before i know it my mind goes bad places "Fuck..not now." I mutter before
Running my hand down my stomach past the V-line all the way to my weeping member, i let all my thoughts flood like sweet venom in my mind, i prop my arm on the wall and breathe into it as the water runs down my back, my breathing hitches and i find myself stumbling heartbeats. i bite my arm as my muscles tense and my legs begin to buckle, then a flash of white and a loud grunt as the shame is being washed down the drain. I finish my shower and step out and look at myself in the mirror with a sigh "still old habits." I state to myself. I grab some clothes out of the hamper behind the bathroom door, a red plain shirt layered on a rough textured black long sleeve and some gray cargo pants along with my normal black boots, after i get dressed i check the time 5:47, well, i better get going i think to myself as i jog out the door down the steps to my bike, taking the chain off and shoving it in my pocket before riding down the long busy roads to the Weterbuild community library, where i work. I connect my chain around the base of my bike and walk up the cement stairs. I step inside the almost dead silent library other than a few clicking from the computers on the left side wall in the back near the non-fiction section. I step deeper in the almost cave like book fortress. I walk to the drab gray door labeled 'Staff office' in the back wall and shove it open with a powerful push. Inside theres a desk in the center covered in lemon folders and scattered paper sheets and with a old fashioned computer, the white color turned yellowish with age and lack of care. That desk belonged to my boss Mrs. Linzy, a bitchy raven haired caucasian woman that stood at 5 feet tall, i dont know a lot about her but i do know shes on her fourth divorce cause of temper problems and to be frank i wouldn't blame the poor suckers who marry her, let alone date her, she looks like the stereotype for witches without the green skin, her eyes are green though so, not far off. I sign my signature on the clipboard on the wall for participating that day, kinda a way of showing the hag you've bothered to show up. After i do that i walk out of the room and take the gray cart labeled 'fantasy fiction' and roll it over to the section. Tracing my finger over the bottom of the shelves to find the authors name so i put them in the right spot also Taking some of the books that were put in the wrong spot on the cart and rolling it to the 'Realistic fiction' second and putting them up. When i get done i go to clean one section of the computers but i see a intern that was already picking up the mess and wiping down the screens. Bee was her name if i remember correctly. I walk over too her as she turns around startled that i was even there "cHASE?!" she says with a questionable yelp, "uh yeah, Bee is it?
She looks down fidgeting with her dark brown sweater with lighter oak colored stripes "ye-yeah i didnt think you'd know that!" She says with a wide grin, showing off her orange and yellow braces fixing the gap that had seemingly got smaller sense her employee of the month near 4 months ago. "Yeah i remembered." I say rubbing my neck and sighing before reaching out for the trash bag she was holding "i can..take that if you'd like?" She glaces down before looking up and chuckling nervously "n-nah! I got it!" She says with false confidence and speed walking to the staff offices trash bin. I sweep around the computers for crumbs and junk and i put it on a piece of paper before walking it to the office to dispose of it. Seeing bee in there straighting up Linzys desk and making the dark room seem a bit decent, she doesn't notice me as i walk past to the trash bin in the back left corner of the room till she looks up from under her Puffy pink hair that nearly covers her eyes, Again, she gets started and tries to babble out sensible words and apologies her dark skin tone not hiding her nervousness. "Bee, Bee its ok." I say with a sigh "m-my shift ended a minute ago, you goin home soon?" She sputters out clutching the black over the shoulder satchel she owns. "Mine ends in a hour. Ill see if i can make ol' hag let me leave early." I say with a airy chuckle that came out more tired than i thought "ok then. Bye chase!" She says running out the front door and going down the stairs past where i can see. I check the clock behind the check in desk in the right next to the office. 7:13, fucking hell, the library opens at 8 and im here till that time. Thats when the hag gets here to check the prep we did and if it wasn't enough, we are forced to stay here past 8, damn near 11:34 one time. I sigh and go back to roaming the sections checking for any wrongs or out of place books, picking up whatever trash i find and spraying down the tables and front desk and even check the smoke alarms. I check the time and its a minute till 8 and i see Linzys dark navy Toyota pulls up and parks with a god awful screech that seeps through the door and echos through the empty library. I sigh and force a smile as her heels click against the dark hard wood for a second before she steps on the carpet. Her long neon green and pink nails clicking Against her phone and making her bracelets jingle unpleasantly making my bones shiver. She looks around the library and then looks at me and pats my head before pushing me to the side out of the way of the office making me catch myself and glare at her through my eye lashes. I stand up on the doorway and watch as she scans the room blowing bubbles that pop annoyingly loud along with her smacking and chewing so loud i hear every time it gets caught in her teeth. I sigh when she does a shooing motion with her hands, telling me she needs space, like always. I sit at the front desk and watch her stalk down every single shelf and eye every little detail before she stands in front of the desk propping herself on her boney knuckles. I cross my arms and wait for her to stop staring at say something "chase..im very disappointed in you." She says making me stand in defense "What do you me-!" I start but she throws a dark chocolate wrapper on the desk with a wicked smile. I stare at the wapper for a minute or more before casting my eyes to the short woman in front of me with a snarl "im not staying here. No, not Again im not." I say as i try to pass her to the door, feeling a hand pressed firm at my chest "that would be yer' 2nd strike boy." She said with a wider smile to what i return with a false happy laugh "well..three strikes and im out. Guess im not out yet." I grab her wrist and shove it into her chest "dont touch me again or i swear.." She smiles sickly as i walk away to the door and open it. I get on my bike and sigh before lazily taking off the chain and shoving it in my pocket and riding it back home. When riding i start to think about Elliot and Autumn. I know they hang out almost every day and maybe ill get to do that with her one day, i sigh as i turn in the apartment parking lot and sitting there. I see dylan and stella dancing from there shadows in the curtain, i smile to myself thinking of what stella said yesterday 'he got a call from your dad' i put my hands in my head and kept going. I think about where i could go, what was i gonna do.. I didnt wanna go home cause my brother needed time to be alone sometimes. I find myself thinking of dylan and all the dumb things he said but one memory stuck out to me "remember chase, if you ever want a free hookup go to railane street, by the bridge. Ask for j.j and say you know Buggie." The only reason i remember that was because i recorded it on my old phone and watched it when i felt sick in some way. I swing my bike down street after street till i see railane and i turn down the slim road and halt when i see all the homeless people and druggies laying around i ride my bike slower and i see a girl i knew my brother was friends with when he was still in school. "Hey.. Do you know j.j? She turned and smiled, i didnt even look anywhere above her smile. She grabbed my arm and pulled me along with her and i noticed, she had inline skates on. We halted a hard stop and she pointed to a average size Hawaiian man with dyed purple hair and the paint stained clothes. The girl called for him in a over excited voice and then clapped her hands, he laughed "what is it Lake?" He said in a dark voice "ther' a kiddo here ta see ya." She says with a snort before skating to a ripped couch and sitting down with other girls, boys and some i cant tell what they are. I notice j.j looking at me and reading me, he walks up to me and puts a finger under my chin "oh~ you want something fella?" He says, i pull away from his hand and he props his hand on my bike and leans in his palm with a smile "im d-buggies brother. He told me to come ask for you." I cringe at how my voice cracked when i spoke, j.js eyes light up and his smile gets bigger "ahh~~ i knew, i knew that skin tone and mouth shape before~!" He giggles and bends over digging in a black leather bag and fishes out a bottle of blue green tablets and presses the bottle in my hands. "Take these responsibly, my little bug." He bites my ear making me smack him in result and scoot my bike back, "oh no reason to pull away bug~ geez so jumpy." He says while downing some, what i assume is vodka. I drive out of the ally like street and down to a park where no residents go but its a place me and dylan go at night. I sit on the grass and look at the bottle and sigh, popping off the lid and downing a pill waiting for the affects. I start to think, what if this was a dud, then the whole world seems to swirl around and inside itself. I shakily stand and i see the trees turn different shades and the sky is no longer black but instead a purple and pink combo surrounding a warped sun i turn around and i hear my parents and i feel myself start to cry cause i really did miss them and i hear a voice, a feminine voice. I look forward and i see Autumn smiling "oh chase. I love you!" She happily giggles and i find myself sprinting to her. This is fake, theres no way i say to myself as i run faster "what if-" i say out loud and reach for her. Then i fall and everything goes black.
