1,818 Words of Love

Last Goodbye

CHAPTER 3

last goodbye

            February 14, 2014, I was having a good time watching a concert with my family at MOA Arena when your sister suddenly message me and told me her frustrations about you. They waited for you until midnight to have a family dinner as a celebration of the Valentine’s but that day, you were with her. Maybe that doesn’t concern me anymore but I can’t help not to get affected. I knew very well that you were moving on and you’re starting to love someone else. It hurts me so much just thinking of you having someone else that makes you happy. I wanted to be selfish but I know I must not. I know that should not because in the first place I was the one who broke up with you. I told your sister that it doesn’t depend on us who you will love and when you’re going to love someone again. We must learn how to accept your decision and just live with it. Just like before, I just wish your happiness. Then days passed, I saw your picture together. I knew what that means but I choose to ignore it and tell myself that it was nothing. But perhaps, destiny always wants to find a way to hurt me more. The next day, my friend told me that she saw your picture with your new girl.  I already knew about that but I choose not to believe what I saw. It was like I’m acting dumb. I already prepared myself for what will happen but you will not know how much it hurts when it actually happened. That day, I choose not to talk and just cried in my room. I thought I was okay, I thought I’ve moved on but I realized that I didn’t really move even an inch. I am still holding to our dreams and promises. I am still hoping for a future with you. Yes, I had suitors and I entertained them but when I take a step forward, I’d always find myself taking 3 steps back. It will always be the same ending. I’ll always tell them the same lines. I can’t love again, that’s the reality. Not because I don’t want to but because I can’t give something I don’t have. There’s still someone who hold every little piece of my shattered heart. That someone will always be you. Even now, I’d still find myself crying whenever someone will ask about you or whenever I will talk about you. I still feel the same pain whenever I remember the day that I let myself died. I never knew that I could possibly love someone more that I love anyone else but I did. I did love you that much that I didn’t even think about of saving a little for myself. I wanted to be happy for you, for finding someone else that makes you happy but I can’t because it hurts so much. It really broke my heart when you didn’t keep your promises. Maybe you don’t even remember any of that but still I can’t hate you because my love for you is greater than my pain. You were once my everything and that’s hard to forget. It’s been a couple of years now but I still feel the same. No matter how hard I try to deny it, I know I cannot fool myself. I don’t wish you to never forget about me but I just wish that every once in a while, you’ll remember how much I loved you, how much I sacrificed  for you and how you once mean everything to me. Honestly, I hope that I could tell you this in person so I can have the closure that I needed but I know I won’t be able to tell all of this without crying in front of you. You will always be my greatest downfall and I knew you know that. Maybe it will take me a few more days, weeks, months or even another year to fully move on but I don’t think it will still matter anymore. I just wish you all the happiness that you deserve and all the luck for your career in the future. I hope that someday if ever our paths will cross again I will be able to smile at you. A smile with no hurt feelings, no regrets and no more what if’s. We may not talk and see each other but I know I will forever be thankful that I had you in my life and that I once felt how to be loved. I am really happy to be a part of your family once and I’m truly grateful that I met all of you. I loved you as my real family and I’ll always cherish that family I once had. I want to thank you for everything, those happy moments and those painful ones. I really appreciate those times that fought with me for our relationship. Now that it came to an end, I just wanted to say for the last time that I loved you so much. I’m sorry for all the pains and all the things I’ve done wrong. I hope you’ll forgive me for all of that. Sad to say but now, we’re just strangers who used to share precious memories together. Thank you and goodbye my one true love. I loved you and I know I’ll always will.

 

 

Love,

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