Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

I have always believed that beauty is on the inside. It is the purity and innocence in your soul that determines your worth. Not the color and quality of your hair, eyes, and skin. But now, my mind is in a conflict of emotions.

Despite my thoughts on beauty, it hurts. It hurts a lot. The pain makes my heart bleed, a drop of blood dripping every second.

I am sorry. I am not strong enough. I am weak. Very weak. I know it is my cowardice. But I just can't help it whenever the relatives throw disgusting looks at me and taunt my parents. I can't help it when I feel the intense stares as I pass the student-filled corridors of the school. I can hear their whispers of: how ugly I am, how useless I am, and how I resemble an elephant. They tell me to hide my true self, conceal the stretch marks, get an acne treatment, go to the gym or get a laser hair removal.

I want them to understand that I do not wish to be fake. I do not want any treatment for anything on my face. I do not mind how I look. I want to tell them that I do go to the gym. I want to explain how the hair is a part of me. I do not wish to be modified. Neither do I want to conceal my true self. I wish to stay the same. But thanks to my shyness, the voice inside my heart does not make it to the lips. The flames of the fire burning inside me aren't able to reach outside.

I fear that I do not have the courage to stand up against this cruel society, and the stigma created by it. Their words and looks are starting to get to me. The plaguing hands of insecurities are trying to grasp me. Anxiety is trying to diffuse into my soul. And I am afraid I cannot fight them for long.

Destiny is a unique thing. It controls every being, distributing happiness and pain. It creates the ups and downs in life, giving everyone their share of gains and losses. In my life, it had given me pain in the form of PCOS.

Yours,

J. S.

NOTE: PCOS means Polycystic Ovary Syndrome.

Dedicated to those who are still in the clutches of the conservative society.

Thank you for reading.

Appreciation and constructive criticism are welcomed.